IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #safety #roads #punishments #offences
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Some people think that only way to improve
safety
 on our roads is to give much stricter
punishments
 on driving offences. I completely agree with
this
 statement considering the two main points I have thought of: given that many of the
drivers
' small lack of attentions cause unwanted
accidents
.
To begin
 with, the factor that causes
accidents
 are usually divided into two main reasons. The most common, driver's lack of the attention: the other factors could be summarised as driver's intentional maneuver. Specifically for the first reason: the current
drivers
 who are already used to public roads, sometimes, their lack of attentions can be
further
 described as giving less importance to their actions; the process of maneuvering vehicles.
According to
 these bahaviours, these
drivers
 are less feared and not realising the fact that they are in a charge of the killing machine. To counter
this
 behaviours, stricting the
punishments
 are very effective
as well as
 the quickest solution.
For example
, some of the entitled
drivers
 are now compromised as they start to fear the consequence to what they might do and start to pay respects on what they are doing. For the
second,
some of the insane
drivers
 who are causing harms to the
road
safety
 intentionally; some are triggered by the small incidents that occured on the
road
. These type of users can often act based on their instinct.
Moreover
, they somehow constructed their own basic standard of treating the
punishments
 as not important as much. These behaviour, possibly by having the light
punishments
, can result on the
road
accidents
 and the harm to the
safety
 of it.
However
,
this
 problem can
also
 be cured by stricting the law. Once the insane
drivers
 realise; the law gives them harder consequnce, the numbers of
accidents
 should be reduced as well.
To conclude
, stricting the law of punishing the faulse on these mis-behaved
drivers
 can significantly reduce the risk of
accidents
 and should be able to keep the
road
safety
 at consisntent level.
Submitted by dokmally2 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points, such as statistics or studies, to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Try to make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive by elaborating on your main points. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words effectively to enhance coherence.
language
Pay attention to language precision to avoid misunderstandings caused by minor inaccuracies. Use varied vocabulary and sentence structures.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in structuring your response effectively.
task achievement
You've fully addressed the task question and provided reasons for your opinion, which is crucial in achieving task response requirements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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