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Band 4.5

Some people believe that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged, others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults.Discuss and give opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #adults
It is taught that an awareness of battle in kids should be urged , another people consider that youngsters who are instructed to unify rather than try to be more rational from each other. On the
one
 hand, making an effort with friends in a team together has advantages . Making
Correct article usage
an
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outline and
submit
Wrong verb form
submitting
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 the rules which they made .Study in the same academic atmosphere regularly. They take motivation and encouragement from
one
 another.If there are some kinds of lazy students
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 do not study hard.Their
peers
 explain the consequences of laziness.
One
 of
reasons
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the reasons
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, for
this
 they are motivated and take
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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 from successful and intelligent
peers
.
For example
, my naughty brother
take
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takes
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 energy from me and my rational siblings.
On the other hand
, contending among friends in education . Having rivalry between
peers
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 them to reach the highest peak by the
vie
Correct your spelling
view
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 of them against each other.
One
 has more reputation
from
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than
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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,
Correct word choice
while another
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another
Replace the adjective
other
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 kids try to reach even more brilliant and hear praise from their teacher.
One
 of the causes for
this
,they
have
Verb problem
are
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 jealous
for
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of
show examples
 each other in an academic way. They do not have
calm
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a calm
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 heart if they have not done more tasks from each other and achieve
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a
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higher score .
For instance
, I envy my best friend and strive to obtain more valuable bands than her in IELTS . In my point of view, having
challenge
Fix the agreement mistake
challenges
show examples
 between
peers
 has more benefits than in
united
Add an article
a united
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 team.Because stupid youth have confidence in brilliant ones .
However
, going up against each other in
educational
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the educational
show examples
 system is a real success and score that they
received
Wrong verb form
receive
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 personal achievements By the way of conclusion, there are more positive sides
being
Change preposition
to being
show examples
opponent
Fix the agreement mistake
opponents
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 in the field of studying rather than being a member
in
Change preposition
of
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 a group and having certainty in educational minors.
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task achievement
Develop ideas more fully with clear examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and ensure ideas are well-connected with linking words.
coherence cohesion
Clarify the thesis statement and ensure the conclusion directly summarizes your opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, offering a balanced view on competition and cooperation.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical order in the presentation of ideas, moving from the benefits of cooperation to those of competition.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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