Some people believe that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged, others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults.Discuss and give opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is taught that an awareness of battle in kids should be urged , another people consider that youngsters who are instructed to unify rather than try to be more rational from each other. On the
one
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

hand, making an effort with friends in a team together has advantages . Making
Correct article usage
an

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
outline and
submit
Wrong verb form
submitting

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb submit. Consider changing it.

show examples
the rules which they made .Study in the same academic atmosphere regularly. They take motivation and encouragement from
one
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

another.If there are some kinds of lazy students
which
Correct pronoun usage
who

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
do not study hard.Their
peers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

explain the consequences of laziness.
One
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of
reasons
Add an article
the reasons

The phrase One of reasons may require the use of the article the. Consider inserting the before the noun in your sentence.

show examples
, for
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

they are motivated and take
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment

The spelling of fulfillment is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
from successful and intelligent
peers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, my naughty brother
take
Change the verb form
takes

The plural verb take does not appear to agree with the singular subject my naughty brother. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
energy from me and my rational siblings.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, contending among friends in education . Having rivalry between
peers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads

It seems that the verb lead does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
them to reach the highest peak by the
vie
Correct your spelling
view

The word vie doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
of them against each other.
One
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

has more reputation
from
Change preposition
than

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others

It seems that other may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
,
Correct word choice
while another

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
another
Replace the adjective
other

The adjective another appears to be modifying the plural noun kids. Consider replacing it with the adjective other.

show examples
kids try to reach even more brilliant and hear praise from their teacher.
One
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of the causes for
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,they
have
Verb problem
are

There may be a verb use issue here.

show examples
jealous
for
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
each other in an academic way. They do not have
calm
Add an article
a calm

The noun phrase calm heart seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
heart if they have not done more tasks from each other and achieve
Add an article
a

The noun phrase higher score seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
higher score .
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I envy my best friend and strive to obtain more valuable bands than her in IELTS . In my point of view, having
challenge
Fix the agreement mistake
challenges

It seems that challenge may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
between
peers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

has more benefits than in
united
Add an article
a united

The noun phrase united team seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
team.Because stupid youth have confidence in brilliant ones .
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, going up against each other in
educational
Add an article
the educational

The noun phrase educational system seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
system is a real success and score that they
received
Wrong verb form
receive

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb received. Consider changing it.

show examples
personal achievements By the way of conclusion, there are more positive sides
being
Change preposition
to being

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
opponent
Fix the agreement mistake
opponents

It seems that opponent may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
in the field of studying rather than being a member
in
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
a group and having certainty in educational minors.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Develop ideas more fully with clear examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and ensure ideas are well-connected with linking words.
coherence cohesion
Clarify the thesis statement and ensure the conclusion directly summarizes your opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, offering a balanced view on competition and cooperation.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical order in the presentation of ideas, moving from the benefits of cooperation to those of competition.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: