IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged, others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults.Discuss and give opinion.

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It is taught that an awareness of battle in kids should be urged , another people consider that youngsters who are instructed to unify rather than try to be more rational from each other. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, making an effort with friends in a team together has advantages . Making
Correct article usage
an
show examples
outline and
submit
Wrong verb form
submitting
show examples
 the rules which they made .Study in the same academic atmosphere regularly. They take motivation and encouragement from
one
Use synonyms
 another.If there are some kinds of lazy students
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 do not study hard.Their
peers
Use synonyms
 explain the consequences of laziness.
One
Use synonyms
 of
reasons
Add an article
the reasons
show examples
, for
this
Linking Words
 they are motivated and take
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 from successful and intelligent
peers
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, my naughty brother
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 energy from me and my rational siblings.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, contending among friends in education . Having rivalry between
peers
Use synonyms
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 them to reach the highest peak by the
vie
Correct your spelling
view
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 of them against each other.
One
Use synonyms
 has more reputation
from
Change preposition
than
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
,
Correct word choice
while another
show examples
another
Replace the adjective
other
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 kids try to reach even more brilliant and hear praise from their teacher.
One
Use synonyms
 of the causes for
this
Linking Words
,they
have
Verb problem
are
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 jealous
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each other in an academic way. They do not have
calm
Add an article
a calm
show examples
 heart if they have not done more tasks from each other and achieve
Add an article
a
show examples
higher score .
For instance
Linking Words
, I envy my best friend and strive to obtain more valuable bands than her in IELTS . In my point of view, having
challenge
Fix the agreement mistake
challenges
show examples
 between
peers
Use synonyms
 has more benefits than in
united
Add an article
a united
show examples
 team.Because stupid youth have confidence in brilliant ones .
However
Linking Words
, going up against each other in
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
 system is a real success and score that they
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 personal achievements By the way of conclusion, there are more positive sides
being
Change preposition
to being
show examples
opponent
Fix the agreement mistake
opponents
show examples
 in the field of studying rather than being a member
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a group and having certainty in educational minors.

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task achievement
Develop ideas more fully with clear examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and ensure ideas are well-connected with linking words.
coherence cohesion
Clarify the thesis statement and ensure the conclusion directly summarizes your opinion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, offering a balanced view on competition and cooperation.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical order in the presentation of ideas, moving from the benefits of cooperation to those of competition.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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