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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The table below shows the percentage of men and women who travelled to work by different means of transport in Sydney in 2001.

The table below shows the percentage of men and women who travelled to work by different means of transport in Sydney in 2001.
The table illustrates how males and females in Sydney commuted to work by five modes of transportation (bus, car, motorcycle, cycle, and walking) in 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
, buses were the most preferred mode of transportation for travelling to work for both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 commuting by car, motorcycle, and bike were more popular with males than females, walking showed the same proportion among both genders. In detail, buses were the only mode of transport where
women
Use synonyms
 outnumbered
men
Use synonyms
, showing the largest gender gap, with 38% of
women
Use synonyms
 in comparison with 32% of
men
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, walking displayed no gender difference, with 17% of both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 choosing
this
Linking Words
 option.
By comparison
Linking Words
, the other three means of transport showed different patterns. Cars were chosen by 28% of
men
Use synonyms
 and 27% of
women
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 smaller proportions of males and females preferred commuting by bicycles-18% and 16% respectively.
Motorbycles
Correct your spelling
Motorcycles
 were the least common choice, with only 5% of
men
Use synonyms
 and 2% of
women
Use synonyms
 considering them for commuting.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "comparison" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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