In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. Many people think that it is good to eat traditional food while others believe that fast food is a good choice. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some
people
argue that sharing personal information via social media websites does have risks
.
In my perspective, the advantages of internet
Correct article usage
the internet
is far outweigh
the disadvantages since it Change the verb form
far outweigh
make
Change the verb form
makes
the
life easier and Correct article usage
apply
it
has many opportunities as well .
Generally speaking , using Correct pronoun usage
apply
internet
does help to make our daily Add an article
the internet
live
much smoother and faster since we can buy everything even if the product Replace the word
lives
was
Wrong verb form
is
in
Change preposition
on
Correct article usage
the other
other
side of the world , Change the wording
another
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
people
can buy anything from Amazon
which located
in Add a missing verb
is located
US
even if they Correct article usage
the US
lived
out of United States , and they received the products during 48 hours . All Wrong verb form
live
people
in the world can learn anything by using their devices in
any time . Change preposition
at
It is clear that
even if they
are many Correct pronoun usage
there
risks
for
sharing personal informationChange preposition
to
in
Change preposition
on
internet
the benefit of making our life easier Correct article usage
the internet
is
overcomes Unnecessary verb
apply
this
point
On the other hand
, in social media there are many opportunities for people
such
as job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
in
online and the capacity Change preposition
apply
creating
their own Change the verb form
to create
company
, Fix the agreement mistake
companies
for instance
Noon and Amazon
apps which
provide many jobs for younger Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
and which
enable them to have a good income and Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
a sufficient’ experiments for creating their own business and Moe is one of these example , he worked online with Amazon
and gained the enough knowledge to create his own app which called WE in 2017 and it was like Amazon
, selling products and he succeeded . That is
one the
advantages of social media Change preposition
of the
comparing
to the Wrong verb form
compared
risks
.
To sum up
, even if there many
Add a missing verb
are many
risks
in our personal data , but
there are many positive sides in terms of using Correct word choice
apply
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
such
as many opportunities and as tool
to make our Add an article
a tool
life
easier and faster .Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Submitted by wiwi142777 on
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task achievement
Your essay covers both views and presents an opinion, which is good. However, it would benefit from a more structured and balanced argument for each view and a clearer stance in your opinion. Try to evenly distribute the emphasis on each view before delivering your stance.
task achievement
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward expressions present in the essay. For example, 'internet is far outweigh' should be 'the advantages of the Internet far outweigh'. Proofreading your work to correct these small errors would improve clarity and readability.
task achievement
Try to develop your paragraphs with a clear topic sentence followed by specific details. While you do support your points with examples, having more detailed and varied examples could strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a basic logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, improving the connection between your ideas and using more cohesive devices or linking words would help to create a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph in your essay is focused on one main idea and organize your ideas logically within that structure. Transition words like 'however', 'furthermore', and 'moreover' can help to connect ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
You have included a conclusion that summarizes your main points, which helps to reinforce your argument and gives a sense of closure to your essay.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to illustrate your points, such as the example of Moe creating his own app, which helps to add depth to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.