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Band 2.5

The table and charts below giv information about doctors in Australia between 1986 nad 2006.

#giv #information #doctors #australia #nad
The table and bar charts illustrate the index of medical practitioners in
Australia
 over the
period
 20
years
 from 1986 to 2006. Units are measured in percentages.
Overall
, the table
experienced
Verb problem
shows
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
low
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 level
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
percentage
Add an article
a percentage
show examples
 than other
years
,
while
 the bar chart
demonstrate
Change the verb form
demonstrates
show examples
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
born in
Australiam
Correct your spelling
Australian
 inhabitants witnessed
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 figure over the
period
. In detail, the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of medics was 23,720 in 1986 , after decades increased
Change preposition
by mire
show examples
mire
Correct your spelling
more
show examples
 or less 6,000,
conclude
Wrong verb form
concluding
show examples
 the rate of 35,450 in 2006.
Similarly
,
according to
 the
table
Add a comma
table,
show examples
 Australian male's figure was 77% at the beginning of the
period
,
however
 slightly decreased to 65% - 60% respectively
thoughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the
years
.
By contrast
, the proportion of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 was 21% in 1986,
also
 increased to 30% and 39% approximately
at the end
 of the
period
. In terms of the place of birth in
Australia
 and overseas.
Australia
Correct your spelling
Australian
show examples
 childbirth was 65% and 59% in
initial
Correct article usage
the initial
show examples
years
 and remained
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 line of 50%
at the end
 of the year.,
likewise
 birthing in foreign countries experienced 35% in 1986. After the
years
, grew only 1-2 percentages respectively. Eventually, the both statistics of both in
Australia
 and other places became equal percentage in 2006.
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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that all elements of the visual data are fully and clearly described. Avoid vague descriptions like 'low level of percentage' or 'high figure.'
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to enhance the logical flow by structuring your paragraphs more clearly. Begin with a clear topic sentence for each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
Ensure that comparisons and details are clearly and accurately presented. Specifically, check for numerical accuracy and consistency in your data description.
coherence cohesion
Good attempt at organizing information period-by-period in your essay.
task achievement
You provided an overall trend at the beginning of your essay, which sets a good context.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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