IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #access #people’s #phone #records #messages #safety #information #permission
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Although
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 in some countries,
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government
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the government
show examples
 has the right to
access
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
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's mobile
phone
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 call or their
messages
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, some
people
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 believe that those
date
Correct your spelling
data
show examples
 are private, and nations
do
Verb problem
are
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 not
allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
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 to listen
or
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to or
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 read them. I believe that, in
those country
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that country
those countries
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, having
access
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 to
such
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information
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 should be banned
due to
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 the fact that
those
Change the determiner
that
show examples
information
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 is private. On the one hand, some
people
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 give the
government
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 permission to
access
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such
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information
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, because they think it might prevent crime,
while
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 there are several means to control criminals.
For example
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, two years ago, I purchased a car from a person who pretended to be a fireman,
while
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 he was a criminal. I was able to
took
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take
show examples
Add an article
a screen
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screen shot
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screenshot
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 from our
messsages
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messages
 and
printed
Wrong verb form
print
show examples
 them for the court, and I did not need any other
information
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 from
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government
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the government
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.
Additionally
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, they might think that officials in
government
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 are able to listen to all
phone
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call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
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,
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apply
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 and read all
messages
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,
while
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 I believe it is not possible
,
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apply
show examples
 because there are a
larg
Correct your spelling
large
 amount of
phone
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call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
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 and
messages
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.
On the other hand
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, I believe that
such
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access
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 is against human
right
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rights
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. every conversation that
people
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 have over their
phone
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 is happened in confidential and if the
government
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 want to listen to them, they should ask for permission first.
For instance
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, at the beginning of some
phone
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 calls with some
organes
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organs
, you will be aware that it has been recorded.
Also
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,
public
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the public
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 should feel safe when they use their
phone
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for
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to
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comminiucating
Correct your spelling
communicating
wuth
Correct your spelling
with
eachothers
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each other
, and they should be able to talk about their private lives.
For example
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, when two lovers live far away from each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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, they should be free to talk to each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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 about their
realationship
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relationship
. In conclusion,
Althogh
Correct your spelling
although
 some
people
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 believe that
government
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 should have
access
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 to
people
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’s mobile
phone
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 call records and
messages
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 for safety reasons, I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is wrong and against human rights.
Submitted by rozakoohvand on

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task achievement
To improve your essay, consider providing more specific examples to support your main arguments. This will help to clarify and strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical structure of your paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, creating a more cohesive overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
You address both perspectives of the argument and provide a personal opinion, fulfilling the task requirement.
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