IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #access #people’s #phone #records #messages #safety #information #permission
Although
 in some countries,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 has the right to
access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
's mobile
phone
 call or their
messages
, some
people
 believe that those
date
Correct your spelling
data
show examples
 are private, and nations
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not
allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
show examples
 to listen
or
Change preposition
to or
show examples
 read them. I believe that, in
those country
Change the determiner
that country
those countries
show examples
, having
access
 to
such
information
 should be banned
due to
 the fact that
those
Change the determiner
that
show examples
information
 is private. On the one hand, some
people
 give the
government
 permission to
access
such
information
, because they think it might prevent crime,
while
 there are several means to control criminals.
For example
, two years ago, I purchased a car from a person who pretended to be a fireman,
while
 he was a criminal. I was able to
took
Change the verb
take
show examples
Add an article
a screen
show examples
screen shot
Correct your spelling
screenshot
show examples
 from our
messsages
Correct your spelling
messages
 and
printed
Wrong verb form
print
show examples
 them for the court, and I did not need any other
information
 from
government
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the government
show examples
.
Additionally
, they might think that officials in
government
 are able to listen to all
phone
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and read all
messages
,
while
 I believe it is not possible
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because there are a
larg
Correct your spelling
large
 amount of
phone
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
show examples
 and
messages
.
On the other hand
, I believe that
such
access
 is against human
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
. every conversation that
people
 have over their
phone
 is happened in confidential and if the
government
 want to listen to them, they should ask for permission first.
For instance
, at the beginning of some
phone
 calls with some
organes
Correct your spelling
organs
, you will be aware that it has been recorded.
Also
,
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 should feel safe when they use their
phone
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
comminiucating
Correct your spelling
communicating
wuth
Correct your spelling
with
eachothers
Correct your spelling
each other
, and they should be able to talk about their private lives.
For example
, when two lovers live far away from each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
, they should be free to talk to each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 about their
realationship
Correct your spelling
relationship
. In conclusion,
Althogh
Correct your spelling
although
 some
people
 believe that
government
 should have
access
 to
people
’s mobile
phone
 call records and
messages
 for safety reasons, I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is wrong and against human rights.
Submitted by rozakoohvand on

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task achievement
To improve your essay, consider providing more specific examples to support your main arguments. This will help to clarify and strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical structure of your paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, creating a more cohesive overall argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
You address both perspectives of the argument and provide a personal opinion, fulfilling the task requirement.

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