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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays children play computer games for long hours. They do not play old traditional games. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think it influences children in a good or bad way?

#children #computer #games #hours #influences
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Today's,
children
 spend many hours playing computer
games
as a result
 of having digital devices
such
 as mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 or
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
,
reather
Correct your spelling
rather
 than playing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traditional
games
 like in the past .
This
 change can be
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 various reasons.
However
, in
this
 essay, I will discuss the reasons for
this
 difference and how it can
influences
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influence
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
. On the one hand, in our decade now,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology has changed
everytings
Correct your spelling
everything
 in life, even the
games
 that young people used to
played
Change the verb form
play
show examples
. Nowadays, they start playing digital
games
 using their
ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
 or laptop, they find it more interesting than playing traditional
games
 outside
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
 with their
freinds
Correct your spelling
friends
.
For example
, a study conducted by Harvard University revealed that
children
 who were born in the
last
 15 years,
finding
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 playing video
games
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more interesting
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 other activities, and it can lead
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 various issues.
On the other hand
, digital
games
 can have a negative impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
 and lead
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 many issues if it used in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong way. Computer
games
 can make
teentagers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 addicted to
digital
Correct article usage
the digital
show examples
 devices that they use.
Also
, The light blue that comes from these devices can damage
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
, and affect badly on the brain.
However
, despite
this
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apply
show examples
all
disadvantages
Correct determiner usage
these disadvantages
show examples
, modern
games
 can have a positive side.It can improve
bacis
Correct your spelling
basic
 skills in
children
,
such
 as
probelm-solving
Correct your spelling
problem-solving
.
For instance
,
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 research
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 that playing chess
ot
Correct your spelling
or
 similar
games
 can increase the IQ level in the brain,
also
 enhance their personalities. In conclusion, modern
games
 can have advantages and disadvantages, but kids
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in the right way and choose
games
 that can have a positive
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 on them.
Submitted by daliaakram35 on

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task achievement
Expand on the discussion by providing a more comprehensive exploration of how computer games have replaced traditional ones, with specific reasons such as accessibility, immediate reward, or social connectivity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has one main idea that is clearly supported with evidence or examples. Try to develop each point fully before moving on to the next.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words like 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', and 'In contrast' to enhance the flow between paragraphs and maintain a smooth progression of ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the reasons for the shift to digital games and its potential impacts on children.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear beginning and end-point to the discussion.
task achievement
There is a good effort to discuss both negative and positive impacts of gaming, showing a comprehensive approach to the topic.
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