IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face. Do you agree or disagree?

#friendships #place #people #face
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Some assert that making
friendships
 online cannot be as valuable as those where individuals have in-person ones.
While
 there are some opponents to
this
 decision, I personally support face-to-face relationships among friends. Admittedly, there are a couple of factors why some prefer to make friends virtually through social media platforms like Telegram, Instagram and WhatsApp. First and foremost,
friendships
 that take place online give an opportunity
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 global communication. As humans can establish
friendships
 in any part of the world on online platforms, they can certainly learn about
cultures
Correct article usage
the cultures
show examples
 of those places with their virtual friends, which can lead to 
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of their outlook.
Furthermore
, online relationships offer flexible time options.
This
 is because people can adapt easily their times for online interactions and join
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them whenever they want. As much as I acknowledge the points above, I am
proponent
Add an article
a proponent
show examples
 of real-life relationships.
Firstly
, they allow people to feel both emotionally and physically each other, which in effect
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 them with enjoyable togetherness. On top of that, traditional
friendships
 present immediate  support.
For instance
, when your friend needs your help, you can do it instantly since you live close to each other.
This
, in turn, builds trust and brings about long-lasting unity. In conclusion, online means of forming
friendships
 are as not meaningful as those that happen conventionally.
While
 there are some opposers to
this
, I hold
this
 opinion
due to
 authentic closeness and support whenever needed.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph directly supports your thesis statement.
task achievement
Provide more concrete examples to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical transitions between ideas.
task achievement
Clear introduction and conclusion that reflect your stance.
task achievement
Good use of online platforms as examples for virtual friendships.
coherence cohesion
Logical structuring of paragraphs, leading to a well-organized essay.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively communicated your ideas with clarity.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • non-verbal communication cues
  • depth of understanding
  • spontaneous
  • genuine moments
  • shared interests
  • sense of physical presence
  • evolve
  • constant connectivity
  • nurture friendships
  • busy schedules
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