Friendships that take place online rendition not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face. Do what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
individuls
Correct your spelling
individuals
believe that online
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
are not as significant as those where
people
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
gather
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
other
face
to
face
.
While
there are valid arguments on both sides of
this
topic , I partly agree with the supplied statement taking into consideration relevant attitudes and will elucidate my point of view with examples in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, by
advancement
Add an article
the advancement
show examples
of
technology
Add a comma
technology,
show examples
many
people
prefer to make
friends
on websites like Instagram, Twitter or Facebook.
This
kind of
apps
Fix the agreement mistake
app
show examples
offer
Verb problem
allows people
show examples
to connect easily for
people
and make
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
show examples
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
people
who live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overseas.
Furthermore
,
this
system
also
be advantageous for
people
who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
individuality do not appreciate
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
friends
face
to
face
. So , they
also
make exchange their knowledge or improve their
self - esteem
Correct your spelling
self-esteem
show examples
for different humans.
As well as
, friendships
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
by technology could
be reduce
Change the verb form
reduce
show examples
anxiety and stress since when
people
are stressed by something , they can take a rest by calling or chatting with virtual
friends
. As an illustration,
according to
the research that has been carried out by scientists
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
Amsterdam University. They found that
recent
Change preposition
in recent
show examples
days all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
of age
people make
Verb problem
have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
websites which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to
marry
Wrong verb form
marrying
show examples
by connection increased significantly by 80% more than facing attitudes.
On the other hand
, making friendships in
teal
Correct your spelling
real
show examples
life
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
a number of benefits.
Firts
Correct your spelling
First
and foremost,
face to
Replace the word
through a face-to-face
show examples
face
interaction system , humans can show real emotions like
joyfully
Replace the word
joy
show examples
and
sorrowful
Replace the word
sorrow
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because when
friends
interact
facing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
, conversation
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
be more
effectively
Change the word
effective
show examples
and
meaningfully
Change the word
meaningful
show examples
without internet reactions.
Additionally
, by
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
interaction
people
find more benefits like control time -consuming on mobile phone can help to make a life more fascinating.
Consequently
,
people
start
Add the particle
start to
show examples
respect elderly
people
and master
assist
Wrong verb form
assisting
show examples
humans
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
whom they
show examples
have trouble.
To sum up
,
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
take
Correct pronoun usage
that take
show examples
place
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online
benefit
Fix the infinitive
to benefit
show examples
foe
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
resting and help to encourage
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. In my view ,
is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
show examples
not
say
Fix the infinitive
to say
show examples
virtual
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
are not meaningful , that's why
people
who make
friends
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
face
to
face
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
to boost
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
forever.
Submitted by Writing9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more logically. Try to make each paragraph focus on a single main idea and ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
Task Response
Expand on your ideas with more specific examples and explanations. This will make your response more comprehensive and clearer to the reader.
Task Response
Polish the clarity of your arguments by refining your language and sentence structures. This can greatly improve the comprehensibility of your essay.
Task Achievement
You have presented a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction is clear and sets the tone for the rest of the essay, and the conclusion summarizes your main points effectively.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: