IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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In modern times, globalisation has united individuals, industries and nations. In my opinion, even though
this
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 phenomenon might have some drawbacks, its benefits are evident and it should be supported. One possible disadvantage of globalization is the tendency of suppression of cultures by the ones of richer and more influential countries.
For instance
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, if the film industry is mostly produced in Hollywood, other countries' cinemas will tend to incorporate American film trends over time. Even if it might bring new perspectives and techniques to different producers, it can
also
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 discourage diversity by setting trends and defining popularity by the patterns of small and controlling groups - compared to the vast amount of producers in the
world
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. The benefits,
however
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, are immense and overpowering. Globalization allows people to think together and develop the
world
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 at a much faster pace, despite distances and cultural differences. In the first semester of 2020,
for example
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, when a mortal virus started spreading in China and after that throughout the
world
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, quickly multiple pharmaceuticals in different countries
such
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 as the USA, China, Brazil and Germany began developing medicines and vaccines to contain it and by that prevented uncountable deaths. If it was not for
this
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 fast exchange of knowledge and goods, the population of the
world
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 might have plummeted in a much worse tragedy.
To conclude
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, I believe that globalisation has brought multiple benefits to humanity and should be supported. In order to minimize its drawbacks, individuals should be careful to not lose their essence
while
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 still appropriating opportunities.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, which underscores your main argument. However, consider linking your ideas more seamlessly within paragraphs to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Your essay comprehensively addresses the prompt with relevant examples, but could benefit from a deeper exploration of the counterarguments to further strengthen the task achievement.
task achievement
You clearly articulated the benefits of globalization, providing a relevant example of international collaboration during the COVID-19 pandemic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, making your argument easy to follow.
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