Write an essay of at least 300 words on the following topic: One's true happiness should derive from their own achievements that benefit others. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, humanity has been indulging in the bad habit of comparing themselves to others, which not only deprives them of happiness but
also
Linking Words
harms other people in the process.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some advice was given, determining that only through the accomplishments that help those around you can one obtain true satisfaction. In my opinion, I strongly agree because of the benefits it brings to the sense of worth and self-development. The self-worth will be greatly elevated from helping others.
In other words
Linking Words
, it is undeniable that everyone gains immense satisfaction from being able to contribute to society; not only that, but they can boost their self-esteem and be more confident in themselves.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, once citizens have helped the society around them, they will be getting respect, and appreciation from them, giving a sense of worth, and belonging in the community.
For example
Linking Words
, volunteering in a campaign that helps clean up the local park can encourage communities to value the effort and raise their awareness to pass on the good deeds.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the happiness individuals get from supporting those around them can lay a foundation for their character development. Specifically, from realizing the impact of the achievements on everybody, the satisfaction, and self-value that they gain will altogether lead them to a better path; they will become more mature,
as well as
Linking Words
more content of themself, for who they are.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
can strengthen their mentality, create a healthy lifestyle, and,
last
Linking Words
but not least, make them a better person.
For instance
Linking Words
, a simple act
such
Linking Words
as helping out their family to clean, or leading an old lady across the street, will encourage them to keep on being a good person, and as time goes on, they can have a better lifestyle
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and outlook on life. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly agree with the statement that only from their own achievements that help others can
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
acquire happiness. Cause only through the course of actions they choose for themself can improve their self-value, and self-esteem,
finally
Linking Words
affecting their own development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay has a clear argument, consider elaborating more on your points and providing additional examples to support your claims.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have smooth transitions between them for better coherence.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic with appropriate supporting details.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: