IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that increasing price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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While
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 there is a widely held belief that the higher
price
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 of
petrol
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 cannot be considered a practical solution to solve the problems resulting from traffic congestion and air pollution, I hold the conviction that
this
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 procedure can play an influential role in diminishing the negative impacts of them. On the one hand, many people claim that humans are living in an era full of franticness and they must strive to use the
time
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 to their best advantage.
Therefore
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, many individuals, especially white-collars, tend to drive to work
instead
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 of wasting their
time
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 queuing to catch public
transport
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. These individuals believe that using private vehicles is the only thing that may relieve some of the burden of those who commute to their work.
Accordingly
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, increasing the
petrol
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price
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 may bring about lower productivity and a higher amount of dissatisfaction.
For instance
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, In South Korea, many workers use public
transport
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 to arrive at their work. Interestingly,
nonetheless
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, several employees expressed a significant level of dissatisfaction as they regard using public
transport
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 as a waste of
time
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.
However
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, another group of people assert that increasing the
petrol
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price
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 prevents many individuals from using their personal automobiles. Indeed, these people must incur more money in relation to the
time
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 they use public transportation.
Accordingly
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, they prefer to travel using buses, trains, and taxis as it is economically worthwhile. Governments,
therefore
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, would become unintentionally successful in decreasing the traffic congestion and air pollution consecutively. In China,
for instance
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, many citizens do not drive their private vehicles as they are aware of the ease and convenience that using public
transport
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 may bring for them and the higher expenses that driving their private cars may impose on them. In conclusion, after considering both viewpoints, I agree with the notion that increasing the
price
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 of
petrol
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 can play a helpful role for governments to take a step toward solving the traffic and air pollution issues.

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Details and Development
To further enhance your essay, make sure to elaborate on the examples provided, tying them directly to how they support your argument. This helps in making your points more persuasive and impactful.
Sentence Variety
Consider diversifying your sentence structures to add more variety and interest to your writing. Utilizing a mix of complex and compound sentences can enrich your text.
Perspective Depth
For an even stronger essay, you might explore a wider range of perspectives and counterarguments, providing a more in-depth analysis of opposing viewpoints before refuting them with your own reasoning.
Structure and Flow
Excellent structure and logical flow of ideas, making your essay easy to follow and understand.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate your viewpoint and summarize the main points of your essay, enhancing clarity and cohesiveness.
Use of Examples
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which greatly strengthens your position and makes your essay more convincing.
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