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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that computers are more a hindrance than a help in today’s world. Others feel that they are such indispensable tools that they would not be able to live or work without them. In what ways are computers a hindrance? What is your opinion?

#people #computers #hindrance #help #today’s #world #tools #work
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Indeed, the personal computer is an epoch-changing innovation, transforming how humans live and work fundamentally.
While
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 some believe that machines have become a must-have nowadays, there are certain aspects in which these devices can impede human development, and to fully utilise their potential, one must strike a balance between treating them as a tool and an obsession. To start with, it has become incredibly difficult not to turn on one’s desktop or laptop for more than a day, as nearly all work or school tasks can only be processed on computers.
For example
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, most company workers have to make presentations, schoolteachers need to prepare lesson materials, and even students are required to write essays and complete projects in doc files.
Moreover
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, during the pandemic period, these digital devices were ever more crucial to maintaining the basic functionality of
society
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due to
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 the accessibility and reliability they provided.
Thus
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, it is true that in modern times, not owning a computer can mean more hardships in life.
On the other hand
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, there is conspicuous evidence that corroborates the opposition’s theory that those apparatuses are currently doing more harm than good.
Firstly
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, young people who have more screen time are more mentally unstable than their peers, with a large proportion of them showing signs of severe depression and anxiety.
Secondly
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, students’ reliance on tools that help with essay writing has been disturbing university professors ever since computers became prevalent. Reportedly, in many colleges, the percentage of essays written by AI has reached a startling 99.9%, making
society
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 worry about younger individuals’ task-solving abilities without aid from machines. That said, the rising dependence on computers could not only affect one’s mental health but
also
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 obstruct personal development, which darkens the future of
society
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. In closing, similar to many other technologies, desktops and laptops can be remarkably beneficial and infelicitous to individuals and
society
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 at the same time. The key to commanding the technology is to strictly regulate its use, filter unhelpful information, and become more independent of artificial assistance.
Submitted by yanjinru0827 on

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task achievement
Your response successfully addresses the topic, particularly in discussing both sides of the argument. However, adding more detailed examples and expanding on the points where computers are considered a hindrance would strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured and easy to follow. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Repeating key terms (like 'computers') can be replaced occasionally with synonyms to avoid redundancy.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, effectively addressing both aspects of the issue and offering your own opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-defined, which gives your essay a strong framework.
coherence cohesion
Each of your main points is well-supported and logically structured, making your arguments clear and easy to understand.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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