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Writing Samples
Band 7

More people shop, work and communicate via the internet instead of face-to-face communication. Is it positive or negative?

#people #shop #work #internet #communication
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With the advancement of technology,
people
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 nowadays rely more on the
Internet
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 to purchase items and work online
instead
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 of communicating face-to-face.
While
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 some
people
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 believe it has a positive impact on society, others argue that it will pose threats to the world. In my opinion, the innovation of the
Internet
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 has mixed effects.
Firstly
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, it is convenient for
people
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 to accomplish work online, it can reduce the time that employees have to spend commuting to workplaces and
thus
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 improve their efficiency, contributing to better performance.
Moreover
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, by doing things through the
Internet
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, workers can distribute their time in a reasonable way which can maintain their mental and physical health.
Secondly
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, the advantages of
people
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 buying products via the
Internet
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 include that there is no limited opening time for online shops;
therefore
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, buyers can make purchases whenever they prefer.
In addition
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, they can view the comments and rankings left by previous customers as a part of their consideration.
On the other hand
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, working via the
Internet
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 can lead to negative effects. Problems
such
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 as
Internet
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 hacking, and unauthorised information leaking, can result in consequences that are beyond
people
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's imagination.
Additionally
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, working online enables individuals to be exposed to constant notifications and social media that can distract them considerably, slowing down their own pace of finishing tasks. Those who shop online, can't try on the items they buy on e-commerce websites, which sometimes gives rise to unsatisfied shopping experiences.
In addition
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, they can influenced by online advertisements and make impulse purchases. In conclusion,
although
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 it is universally acknowledged that the development of technology has brought lots of benefits to the world, there are still some technological traps that
people
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 have to be aware
.
Change preposition
of.
show examples
 Both positive and negative impacts have been introduced by technological innovation.
Submitted by n6160978224716 on

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relevant specific examples
Consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will help illustrate your points more vividly and convincingly.
logical structure
Enhance the linkage between paragraphs. Although each paragraph presents clear ideas, ensuring smooth transitions can improve overall coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion well and summarizing the points effectively.
complete response
The essay covers both positive and negative aspects, providing a balanced view on the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas are generally expressed clearly and are comprehensible, addressing the task effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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