IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

When asked to choose betwee a life without work and working most of time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#betwee #life #work #time #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The debate over whether
people
Use synonyms
 would prefer a
life
Use synonyms
 without
work
Use synonyms
 or one in which they are constantly engaged in their jobs is a compelling one.
While
Linking Words
 some may argue that a
life
Use synonyms
 devoid of
work
Use synonyms
 is more desirable, I believe that most
individuals
Use synonyms
 would not be satisfied with
such
Linking Words
 a lifestyle.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore both perspectives, ultimately supporting the idea that a balanced approach to
work
Use synonyms
 and
leisure
Use synonyms
 is essential for
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
. On one hand, many
people
Use synonyms
 romanticize the notion of a
life
Use synonyms
 without
work
Use synonyms
, envisioning endless
leisure
Use synonyms
, travel, and personal pursuits. The appeal of
this
Linking Words
 lifestyle lies in the freedom it offers—
individuals
Use synonyms
 could spend their days exploring hobbies, spending time with family, and enjoying nature.
For instance
Linking Words
, retirees often express joy in their newfound freedom after leaving the workforce, highlighting the benefits of a relaxed pace of
life
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 perspective overlooks the intrinsic value that
work
Use synonyms
 brings to many
individuals
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
work
Use synonyms
 provides not only financial stability but
also
Linking Words
 a sense of purpose and identity. Many
people
Use synonyms
 derive satisfaction from their jobs, finding
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 in their contributions to society and personal achievements.
For example
Linking Words
, professionals in fields
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare or education often express a strong sense of purpose in helping others and making a difference.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
work
Use synonyms
 fosters social connections and camaraderie among colleagues, which can enrich one’s
life
Use synonyms
. Without these interactions and the structure that
work
Use synonyms
 provides,
individuals
Use synonyms
 may experience feelings of isolation and lack of direction. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the idea of a
life
Use synonyms
 without
work
Use synonyms
 may seem appealing at first glance, I argue that most
people
Use synonyms
 would ultimately prefer to engage in meaningful
work
Use synonyms
. The balance between
work
Use synonyms
 and
leisure
Use synonyms
 is crucial for personal
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
, as
work
Use synonyms
 not only offers financial security but
also
Linking Words
 a sense of purpose and community.
Therefore
Linking Words
, rather than choosing between these extremes,
individuals
Use synonyms
 should strive for a lifestyle that incorporates both productive
work
Use synonyms
 and enjoyable
leisure
Use synonyms
 activities.
Submitted by jeffrey24681 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on strengthening the support for your main points. While examples like retirees enjoying leisure or professionals finding purpose in work are good, further elaboration and more examples could enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, pay attention to transitional phrases. Although your essay is well-structured, additional connectors between ideas can contribute to smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the context and purpose of the essay, drawing readers into the argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
You conclude the essay with a balanced perspective, prioritizing the idea that individuals should strive for a lifestyle that incorporates both work and leisure.
task achievement
You've addressed the task appropriately by presenting and supporting your viewpoint, considering both sides of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • financial stability
  • sense of achievement
  • personal satisfaction
  • structure and routine
  • mental challenges
  • social interactions
  • motivation
  • burnout
  • freedom
  • leisure
  • pursue hobbies
  • identity
  • purpose
  • balanced approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: