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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in four European countries.

The chart below shows the amount spent on six consumer goods in four European countries.
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The bar chart illustrates the
expenditure
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 on six consumer goods in four European countries: Germany, Italy, France, and
Britain
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noteworthy that the majority of spending occurred in
Britain
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,
while
Linking Words
 Germany recorded the lowest
expenditure
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 across all categories.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart,
Britain
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 spent the highest amount on photographic
film
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, which accounted for approximately £170,000.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Britain
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 spent over £160,000 on
toys
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 and CDs, surpassing the other countries. Interestingly, spending on tennis racquets and personal stereos in
Britain
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 was equal;
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 spending remained lower than that on perfumes. In France, the
expenditure
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 on
toys
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 and CDs was equal, with only a slight difference in spending on perfumes, tennis racquets, and personal stereos. Photographic
film
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 was the top category for spending in France, exceeding £160,000. As for Germany, the
expenditure
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 on CDs, perfumes, and tennis racquets was around £155,000,
while
Linking Words
 personal stereos recorded only £150,000. Their spending on
toys
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 and photographic
film
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 was almost similar. In Italy, spending ranged around £150,000 to £155,000, except for
toys
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 and photographic
film
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, where the figures were slightly higher.
Submitted by esaraica on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, britain, film, toys with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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