IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that purchasing imported agricultural products has a positive effect, others think consuming domestic products is better. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion?

#people #products #effect
It is a common belief that importing farm
products
 from other countries is a good thing for us to do.
However
, there is a more persuasive argument that society would
be benefit
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
 more if shoppers purchased and consumed domestic goods, which would protect the livelihoods of local
farmers
 by not letting prices drop too low. On the one hand, purchasing food items brought in from abroad allows people to consume a greater variety of agricultural
products
. Importing
products
 that cannot be grown domestically gives local consumers much more choice in the market.
For instance
, kiwifruit are very difficult to grow in Korea, so few
farmers
 are willing to plant them.
This
 results in a very limited supply of domestically grown kiwifruit. Luckily, importing fruits
such
 as these is very common nowadays, and they are available in most markets.
This
 makes it much easier for the average person to enjoy
this
 exotic fruit.
Nevertheless
,
ti
Correct your spelling
it
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 is more important to protect domestic agriculture, which is in decline because many of the goods that are imported are cheap.
This
 has negative consequences for the local farming industry, which is not always able to compete. For one,
products
 imported from places where they grow easily are often cheaper. When these low-priced
products
 hit the market, they drive prices down to a level that cannot be matched by local
farmers
.
This
 leads to consumers preferring to purchase less expensive imported
products
instead
 of local ones. A good example of
this
 occurred in France, where the country's high
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 and equipment
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 make domestically produced farm
products
 rather expensive. When cheaper meat and dairy imports from Spain were introduced, the local
farmers
 simply could not deliver
products
 to market at prices that were competitive with the imports.
This
 led to
farmers
 going out of business.
To sum up
,
while
 it is apparent that importing items from abroad
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 consumer choice, it is undeniable that buying domestic farm
products
 should be our top priority.
Submitted by lss870311 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement in your introduction that outlines your stance on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve clarity and cohesiveness, consider using more linking phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs.
Task Achievement
A more explicit conclusion restating your stance and summarizing the main points can reinforce your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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