Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent times, some residents think that the state power should have permission to individuals' smartphones, daily messages and recorded discussions.

However

Linking Words

, others believe that they do not have any right to check their own personal data.

This

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essay is going to include both views and provide them with explanations and examples. I completely agree that information should not be available to the

government

Use synonyms

. On the one hand,

country's

Correct article usage

the country's

show examples

safety is the most important aspect of every nation.

Thus

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, the ministry should know every forwarded info from each person who lives in the current country.

This

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will encourage the

government

Use synonyms

's confidence that they do not have any menace for their folks.

As a result

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, the nation's security will be enhanced and the number of crimes will be significantly reduced.

For example

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, workers in airports will always detect any dangerous messages from passengers, because they join the airport's WIFI and every information that they send will be recorded by special employees or even the FBI. Several cases of terrorism were prevented

due to

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this

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method.

On the other hand

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, citizens' personal space should not be registered in their average days. It will lead to large protests from residents and they will require freedom in many cruel ways.

Moreover

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, it contradicts the civil laws of the countries that should be protected in any case. In the end,

people

Use synonyms

will trust power states that they truly take care of them and everyone will live in peace.

For instance

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, in the past, a lot of

people

Use synonyms

suffered from being dependent on the

government

Use synonyms

and they did not feel any freedom in that time.

Nevertheless

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, the United Nations has created special laws for human rights. After that development, all the countries that were in the UN accepted those reforms and

people

Use synonyms

became happy around the whole world. In conclusion,

due to

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all these ensured examples and clarifications, it becomes clear that the security of every citizen is more vital than the

government

Use synonyms

's concerns. Every data that

people

Use synonyms

forward needs to be protected and kept safe.

a.seytzhanovaFri Nov 08 2024

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task achievement

While your essay covers both sides of the argument, expand on each point with more comprehensive reasoning and examples where possible. This will strengthen your position and make your argument more persuasive.

clear comprehensive ideas

Some points are not as fully developed as they could be. Ensure each argument is thoroughly explained. Avoid assumptions.

coherence cohesion

Try to enhance your coherence by linking your paragraphs and points with appropriate transition/connection words or phrases.

task achievement

You have addressed the task requirements by discussing both views and stating your opinion clearly.

coherence cohesion

Appropriately structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, making your writing clear and organized.

task achievement

You included relevant examples to support your points, which helps in illustrating your viewpoint.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

340 words

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