Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent times, some residents think that the state power should have permission to individuals' smartphones, daily messages and recorded discussions.
However
, others believe that they do not have any right to check their own personal data.
This
essay is going to include both views and provide them with explanations and examples. I completely agree that information should not be available to the
government
. On the one hand,
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
safety is the most important aspect of every nation.
Thus
, the ministry should know every forwarded info from each person who lives in the current country.
This
will encourage the
government
's confidence that they do not have any menace for their folks.
As a result
, the nation's security will be enhanced and the number of crimes will be significantly reduced.
For example
, workers in airports will always detect any dangerous messages from passengers, because they join the airport's WIFI and every information that they send will be recorded by special employees or even the FBI. Several cases of terrorism were prevented
due to
this
method.
On the other hand
, citizens' personal space should not be registered in their average days. It will lead to large protests from residents and they will require freedom in many cruel ways.
Moreover
, it contradicts the civil laws of the countries that should be protected in any case. In the end,
people
will trust power states that they truly take care of them and everyone will live in peace.
For instance
, in the past, a lot of
people
suffered from being dependent on the
government
and they did not feel any freedom in that time.
Nevertheless
, the United Nations has created special laws for human rights. After that development, all the countries that were in the UN accepted those reforms and
people
became happy around the whole world. In conclusion,
due to
all these ensured examples and clarifications, it becomes clear that the security of every citizen is more vital than the
government
's concerns. Every data that
people
forward needs to be protected and kept safe.
Submitted by a.seytzhanova on

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task achievement
While your essay covers both sides of the argument, expand on each point with more comprehensive reasoning and examples where possible. This will strengthen your position and make your argument more persuasive.
clear comprehensive ideas
Some points are not as fully developed as they could be. Ensure each argument is thoroughly explained. Avoid assumptions.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance your coherence by linking your paragraphs and points with appropriate transition/connection words or phrases.
task achievement
You have addressed the task requirements by discussing both views and stating your opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
Appropriately structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, making your writing clear and organized.
task achievement
You included relevant examples to support your points, which helps in illustrating your viewpoint.
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