IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some would argue that advertising is a highly successful way to influence
people
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 to consume more items,
while
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 others think that advertisements no longer affect
people
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 and persuade them to buy new things
due to
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 advertising recently being very common.
This
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 essay aims to discuss both views and give my opinion. On the one hand, it is said that advertising no longer affects
people
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 or convinces them to buy things anymore because it is very common and
people
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 see it everywhere. Nowadays we are bombarded by advertising from everywhere on social media platforms, TV and even in your neighbourhood,
thus
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people
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’s
minds
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 are just ignoring them because it is all have the same content and ideas.
For instance
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, in the YouTube application, if you want to watch a video you have to see two adverts first in three minutes at least which is very annoying and
people
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 just ignore it completely and wait for a skip word to appear on their screen. It is said that everything
people
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 watch or listen even without caring about has a huge impact on our
minds
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. From my perspective, advertising impacts our
minds
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 even without conscious thought which impacts our behaviour.
On the other hand
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, advertising is extremely essential for companies to promote their products. Recently advertising campaigns have influenced
people
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’s behaviour towards consumption which is a very good method for marketing products and leads to convincing
people
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 to buy new things every month eventually. Having said that the consumption rate increased significantly over the years owing to advertisement. To illustrate, in the United States, consumers have increased dramatically to 90% over the
last
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 20 years because of advertising campaigns they usually saw. From my point of view, advertising has an extreme effect on
people
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’s behaviour especially these days with a huge number of advertisers around them. In conclusion,
although
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 advertising has recently been everywhere and quite annoying,
people
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 no longer pay attention to it. I believe advertising has an impact on our
minds
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 without conscious and convincing us to purchase new products which means advertising is a very successful tool to promote your product and persuade
people
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 to buy it.

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task achievement
Ensure to clearly state your position in the introduction and consistently maintain it throughout the essay. Although the introduction is engaging, the personal stance can be made even clearer initially.
task achievement
Try to include more diverse, specific examples that address both sides of the argument. This will strengthen your response and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Carefully proofread for minor grammatical and sentence structure errors to enhance clarity and readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each point is discussed well in separate paragraphs, showing good organization.
task achievement
The task is addressed adequately, covering both views with appropriate discussion and a conclusive opinion. You've balanced the examination of both perspectives effectively.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of transition words and phrases which helps in the smooth flow of ideas throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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