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Band 4

Some experts belive that it is better if parents are giving the right to know everything about their child. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#experts #belive #parents #right #child
Some people think that
parents
 should
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the right to know everything about their kids.
Whereas
 I agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that children have to know what they want to know, I do still believe it has more drawbacks.
Firstly
, if their children are still young, they might not have enough knowledge to understand what adults say. Even though they want to know about something, I still believe
parents
 should control situations and decide whether they talk about it with their kids or not.
Also
, they are not capable of dealing with some issues.
For instance
, they won'
t
 be able to deal with financial problems. It is something that they can'
t
 solve by themselves.
Consequently
, It will
give
Verb problem
put
show examples
 them
more
Change preposition
under more
show examples
 pressure and they will get more stressed without solutions.
On the other hand
,
due to
 the advanced technology, young people these days now can google everything and find whatever information they want. It is hard to distinguish what the right data is or not. So, it is crucial for the
parents
, who especially raise young kids, to educate them in advance, giving them appropriate information. We can'
t
 stop them
using
Change preposition
from using
show examples
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 and sharing
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
show examples
infornation
Correct your spelling
information
 with friends. To lead them to the right path,
parents
 should give them honest answers and
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
show examples
. In conclusion, I think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
Childrens
Correct your spelling
Children
show examples
 don'
t
 need to know everything,
however
,
parents
 need to let them know about what they want.
Submitted by dob.jeong on

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Task Response
Ensure that your essay answers all parts of the question. Consider discussing both advantages and disadvantages more equally.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strive for a more logically ordered response. Some ideas could be arranged in a more coherent manner.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame the argument.
Task Response
Relevant examples were used to support the main points. This enhances task achievement.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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