IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is often said that to become a successful business a tertiary education is not at all necessary. To what extent you agree or disagree. Give your opinion.

It is often argued that completing a degree in
university
Use synonyms
 helps
people
Use synonyms
success
Replace the word
succeed
show examples
. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement,
whereas
Linking Words
 I think a tertiary education can be helpful in some ways.
First,
Linking Words
I think going to
university
Use synonyms
 can be
beneficail
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 in two ways. You can have a deeper knowledge about your field and you can
also
Linking Words
 make connections with
people
Use synonyms
 who can give you great opportunities.
Although
Linking Words
 having a tertiary education doesn't make
people
Use synonyms
 successful, in a few fields,
such
Linking Words
 as science, I believe studying
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 can
particulary
Correct your spelling
particularly
 be beneficial. Imagine if you want an experiment, having your own laboratory would cost a lot
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in your early twenties.
While
Linking Words
 you are studying, you can find out what you really like more specifically and make a clear vision of yourself
instead
Linking Words
.
However
Linking Words
, I still believe that you can run a business successfully without any tertiary education degree. First of all, there are things that you can't learn through a
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
 or a
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
 degree.
For example
Linking Words
, communication skills are important because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can give a good impression on customers, other companies, or buyers as well.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, we can already find many good examples in our lives. CEOs, like Steve Jobs,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
got expelled from universities or dropped their studies in order to follow their dreams.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe if you are passionate about something, there is always a way to learn those things. In conclusion, I don't think going to
university
Use synonyms
 to achieve your dream is not
nacessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 at all.
People
Use synonyms
 should not set a limit and should think they can learn everything everywhere.

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coherence-cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
coherence-cohesion
Use more varied linkers and transitions to connect your ideas and paragraphs more smoothly.
task-achievement
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
coherence-cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.
task-achievement
You have provided relevant arguments for both sides of the issue, showing a balanced perspective.
coherence-cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure with points developed systematically across paragraphs, making it easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • essential
  • valuable
  • knowledge
  • skills
  • entrepreneurial
  • practical experience
  • success
  • tertiary education
  • networking opportunities
  • access to resources
  • combination
  • ideal
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