It is often said that to become a successful business a tertiary education is not at all necessary. To what extent you agree or disagree. Give your opinion.

#business #education

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It is often argued that completing a degree in

university

Use synonyms

helps

people

Use synonyms

success

Replace the word

succeed

show examples

. I disagree with

this

Linking Words

statement,

whereas

Linking Words

I think a tertiary education can be helpful in some ways.

First,

Linking Words

I think going to

university

Use synonyms

can be

beneficail

Correct your spelling

beneficial

in two ways. You can have a deeper knowledge about your field and you can

also

Linking Words

make connections with

people

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who can give you great opportunities.

Although

Linking Words

having a tertiary education doesn't make

people

Use synonyms

successful, in a few fields,

such

Linking Words

as science, I believe studying

Change preposition

show examples

university

Use synonyms

can

particulary

Correct your spelling

particularly

be beneficial. Imagine if you want an experiment, having your own laboratory would cost a lot

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

in your early twenties.

While

Linking Words

you are studying, you can find out what you really like more specifically and make a clear vision of yourself

instead

Linking Words

However

Linking Words

, I still believe that you can run a business successfully without any tertiary education degree. First of all, there are things that you can't learn through a

bachelor

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bachelor's

show examples

or a

master

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master's

show examples

degree.

For example

Linking Words

, communication skills are important because

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can give a good impression on customers, other companies, or buyers as well.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, we can already find many good examples in our lives. CEOs, like Steve Jobs,

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

got expelled from universities or dropped their studies in order to follow their dreams.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I believe if you are passionate about something, there is always a way to learn those things. In conclusion, I don't think going to

university

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to achieve your dream is not

nacessary

Correct your spelling

necessary

at all.

People

Use synonyms

should not set a limit and should think they can learn everything everywhere.

Submitted by dob.jeong on Sat Nov 09 2024

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coherence-cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.

coherence-cohesion

Use more varied linkers and transitions to connect your ideas and paragraphs more smoothly.

task-achievement

Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.

coherence-cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.

task-achievement

You have provided relevant arguments for both sides of the issue, showing a balanced perspective.

coherence-cohesion

The essay maintains a logical structure with points developed systematically across paragraphs, making it easy to follow.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

essential
valuable
knowledge
skills
entrepreneurial
practical experience
success
tertiary education
networking opportunities
access to resources
combination
ideal

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It is often said that to become a successful business a tertiary education is not at all necessary. To what extent you agree or disagree. Give your opinion.

Some people say that older, more traditional buildings in cities should be preserved. Others believe that these buildings should be demolished and new ones built in their place. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Multicultural societies, where people of different groups live together, bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood

Nowadays many students go traveling or working for a year after graduating from high school and before starting university. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this trend?

you are applying for a job and need a letter if reference. Write a letter to a former teacher. In your letter: Give details of the job Explain why it is important to you Suggest what information your teacher could put in the reference