In some countries, the average weight of children is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What are the causes of these problems? What measures could be taken to solve them?

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There is no doubt that obesity is increasing day by day .

However

Linking Words

, it is more concerning that in most parts of the world health and fitness

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

reduced. In

this

Linking Words

essay , I will look into the reasons behind these trends with some potential remedies to overcome

this

Linking Words

phenomenon in the

impending

Correct word choice

following

show examples

paragraphs. To commence with. Let us shed some light on the reasons behind

this

Linking Words

problem.First and foremost,

ready made

Add a hyphen

ready-made

show examples

food

Use synonyms

in general

term

Fix the agreement mistake

terms

show examples

some people call

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

frozen

food

Use synonyms

and junk

food

Use synonyms

. To elaborate more, as today's world is the modern era and most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

lives

Change the verb form

live

show examples

in sedentary lifestyle ,they

all

Add a missing verb

are all

show examples

busy

Change preposition

with

show examples

9-5 jobs

due to

Linking Words

which they

donot

Correct your spelling

do not

don't

get enough time to prepare fresh

food

Use synonyms

for their kids.

Hence

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

got

Verb problem

have

show examples

no option left to eat

this

Linking Words

Junk

food

Use synonyms

Secondly

Linking Words

. these kinds of

food

Use synonyms

always come in preservatives and

mixed

Add a missing verb

are mixed

show examples

with chemicals which increase their shelf life

thus

Linking Words

these perishable

food

Use synonyms

contains less nutrients and more

Change preposition

apply

show examples

fat.

Subsequently

Linking Words

, after eating

this

Linking Words

food

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

gain more weight and may face serious health diseases

such

Linking Words

as obesity and mental fatigue.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, as

all

Correct pronoun usage

we all

show examples

know every lock has a key so let us examine some possible solutions for

this

Linking Words

trend.

Firstly

Linking Words

, parents should start making fresh meals

Change preposition

for

show examples

thier

Correct your spelling

their

offsprings

Fix the agreement mistake

offspring

show examples

as fresh foods

contains

Wrong verb form

contain

show examples

more calories and

high

Add a missing verb

are high

show examples

protien

Correct your spelling

protein

Secondly

Linking Words

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

should take some stringent action on the fast

food

Use synonyms

companies which

promotes

Correct subject-verb agreement

promote

show examples

their fast

food

Use synonyms

on social media

such

Linking Words

instagram

Change the capitalization

Instagram

show examples

and

facebook

Capitalize word

Facebook

show examples

because a

alot

Correct your spelling

lot

a lot

of kids use these

platform

Fix the agreement mistake

platforms

show examples

to study online and

talks

Correct subject-verb agreement

talk

show examples

with their friends and relatives.

Last

Linking Words

but not least,

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

should start awareness

program

Fix the agreement mistake

programs

show examples

among

children

Use synonyms

so they get to know the benefits of eating fresh

food

Use synonyms

.To cite an example,

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

research conducted by the University of British Columbia in

canada

Change the capitalization

Canada

show examples

in the year 2012 on

the

Correct article usage

show examples

group of 100

children

Use synonyms

revealed that 20%

kids

Change preposition

of kids

show examples

start

Wrong verb form

started

show examples

eating

home-made

Correct your spelling

homemade

show examples

foods when they attended

awareness

Correct article usage

an awareness

show examples

program organised by the school

faculity

Correct your spelling

faculty

facility

. To recapitulate, it can be considered that

Correct article usage

the sedenatry

show examples

sedenatry

Correct your spelling

sedentary

lifestyle of parents and lack of awareness among

children

Use synonyms

gives birth to the problem like obesity in

children

Use synonyms

While

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

this

Linking Words

trend can be solved by the joint collaboration

Change preposition

show examples

the

governement

Correct your spelling

government

and school authorities.

navdeepbajaj89Sat Nov 09 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure the essay's main points are more logically aligned and clearly structured. There's a bit of repetition and sometimes a lack of clarity between ideas.

task achievement

Use more specific examples and statistics to reinforce your arguments. This could include current data or references to further studies.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, giving a clear indication of the discussion to follow.

task achievement

You have addressed both parts of the task well, discussing both causes and solutions in a balanced manner.

coherence cohesion

The use of transitional words like 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'On the other hand' helps guide the reader through the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
43
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

373 words

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In some countries, the average weight of children is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What are the causes of these problems? What measures could be taken to solve them?

Your opinion

Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree?

Computer and Al technology are increasingly being used for online education. Can artificial intelligence enhance the learning experience? Is this positive or negative development?

Some young people like to copy the behavior and clothes of famous people today. Why might this be the case? What problem can it cause?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking outweigh the disadvantages?