In some countries, the average weight of children is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What are the causes of these problems? What measures could be taken to solve them?
There is no doubt that obesity is increasing day by day .
However
, it is more concerning that in most parts of the world health and fitness is
reduced. In Correct subject-verb agreement
are
this
essay , I will look into the reasons behind these trends with some potential remedies to overcome this
phenomenon in the impending
paragraphs.
To commence with. Let us shed some light on the reasons behind Correct word choice
following
this
problem.First and foremost, ready made
Add a hyphen
ready-made
food
in general term
some people call Fix the agreement mistake
terms
them
frozen Correct pronoun usage
apply
food
and junk food
. To elaborate more, as today's world is the modern era and most of
Change preposition
apply
the
people Correct article usage
apply
lives
in sedentary lifestyle ,they Change the verb form
live
all
busy Add a missing verb
are all
in
9-5 jobs Change preposition
with
due to
which they donot
get enough time to prepare fresh Correct your spelling
do not
don't
food
for their kids. Hence
, children
got
no option left to eat Verb problem
have
this
Junk food
. Secondly
. these kinds of food
always come in preservatives and mixed
with chemicals which increase their shelf life Add a missing verb
are mixed
thus
these perishable food
contains less nutrients and more in
fat.Change preposition
apply
Subsequently
, after eating this
food
children
gain more weight and may face serious health diseases such
as obesity and mental fatigue.
On the other hand
, as all
know every lock has a key so let us examine some possible solutions for Correct pronoun usage
we all
this
trend.Firstly
, parents should start making fresh meals to
Change preposition
for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
offsprings
as fresh foods Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
contains
more calories and Wrong verb form
contain
high
in Add a missing verb
are high
protien
. Correct your spelling
protein
Secondly
, government
should take some stringent action on the fast Add an article
the government
food
companies which promotes
their fast Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
food
on social media such
as instagram
and Change the capitalization
Instagram
facebook
because a Capitalize word
Facebook
alot
of kids use these Correct your spelling
lot
a lot
platform
to study online and Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
talks
with their friends and relatives.Correct subject-verb agreement
talk
Last
but not least,school
should start awareness Fix the agreement mistake
schools
program
among Fix the agreement mistake
programs
children
so they get to know the benefits of eating fresh food
.To cite an example, a
research conducted by the University of British Columbia in Correct article usage
apply
canada
in the year 2012 on Change the capitalization
Canada
the
group of 100 Correct article usage
a
children
revealed that 20% kids
Change preposition
of kids
start
eating Wrong verb form
started
home-made
foods when they attended Correct your spelling
homemade
awareness
program organised by the school Correct article usage
an awareness
faculity
.
To recapitulate, it can be considered that Correct your spelling
faculty
facility
Correct article usage
the sedenatry
sedenatry
lifestyle of parents and lack of awareness among Correct your spelling
sedentary
children
gives birth to the problem like obesity in children
.While
,
Remove the comma
apply
this
trend can be solved by the joint collaboration by
the Change preposition
of
governement
and school authorities.Correct your spelling
government
Submitted by navdeepbajaj89 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure the essay's main points are more logically aligned and clearly structured. There's a bit of repetition and sometimes a lack of clarity between ideas.
task achievement
Use more specific examples and statistics to reinforce your arguments. This could include current data or references to further studies.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, giving a clear indication of the discussion to follow.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the task well, discussing both causes and solutions in a balanced manner.
coherence cohesion
The use of transitional words like 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'On the other hand' helps guide the reader through the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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