IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?

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There is no denying the fact that nowadays people have more than one occupation at the same
time
Use synonyms
 but in the
past
Add a comma
past,
show examples
 most employees had just one occupation.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the causes of
this
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 improvement and the positive and negative impacts of having more than one job.
To begin
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 with, there are many reasons for working in two
jobs
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, in recent years, the economic situation getting worse and the life demands are a complex process so individuals choose effort over comfort.
In other words
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, high taxes and the lowest salary are crucial factors for employees to invest their free
time
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 in another job.
In addition
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, work in other occupations or fields may assist you in gaining a massive experience which is in demand today.
For example
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, working in many
jobs
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 will make your resume perfect when applying for new
jobs
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. In terms of the pros and cons, there is no
time
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 to enjoy devoting to hobbies or activities which has a negative impact on your life. It is
also
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 possible to say that eight hours of work and
then
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 spending the majority of the
time
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 on other work means losing interest in hobbies.
Moreover
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, you will be a person who does not have
time
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 and interest in his family which is really sad behaviour.
For instance
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, a wife and children need interest and
time
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 but if you do not have
time
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 for yourself how could give them
time
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 to solve their issues? In conclusion, there are many reasons for working in many
jobs
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 phenomenon. It is
also
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 true that working in many
jobs
Use synonyms
 has its advantages and disadvantages for individual life.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Currently, the connection between ideas is sometimes abrupt. Use linking words like 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', and 'In addition' to help guide the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each main point is thoroughly supported with evidence or examples to strengthen your arguments. The examples can be more specific and detailed, which will help improve the clarity of your response.
Task Achievement
Try to develop your ideas more fully. Some points made in the essay are a bit underdeveloped; expanding on these points could provide a clearer picture to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a nice framework for your argument.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing the reasons for having more than one job and the pros and cons, which shows a good understanding of the question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic stability
  • Multiple income streams
  • Gig economy
  • Freelance work
  • Contract work
  • Professional development
  • Financial security
  • Job market
  • Diversified income
  • Burnout
  • Skill set
  • Networking opportunities
  • Work-life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Time management
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