IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about whether competing or cooperating is better for society. Some
individuals
Use synonyms
 believe that competition
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
, at educational
insitatuions
Correct your spelling
institutions
 and in daily life is
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 thing,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that members of the community should try to cooperate more
instead
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 opinion, as it encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to learn from each other and leads to bigger contributions in
real
Add an article
the real
show examples
 world. Many
individuals
Use synonyms
 think that competing against each other in different places
such
Linking Words
 as at school, at
work
Use synonyms
, and in daily life is something beneficial because it
promotes
Verb problem
encourages
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 to their highest potential. They claim that
people
Use synonyms
 need
motivation
Change the article
the motivation
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 to their highest
abality
Correct your spelling
ability
;
thus
Linking Words
, competition can be seen as
somthiong
Correct your spelling
something
might
Correct pronoun usage
that might
show examples
 trigger
individuals
Use synonyms
 to put
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 hard efforts.
For instance
Linking Words
,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research in Norway showed that after posting the
student's
Change noun form
students'
show examples
 ranks among their classmates
besed
Correct your spelling
based
 on their grades
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
school's
Correct article usage
the school's
show examples
 walls,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 with lower grades
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
significantly
increase
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
 their grades.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 might
promotes
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 harder,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it puts high
prussure
Correct your spelling
pressure
 on
individuals
Use synonyms
 and effect
nagetivly
Correct your spelling
negatively
 their mental health.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that we need to cooperate
instead
Linking Words
 of competing with each other because it
eables
Correct your spelling
enables
 us to learn
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 each other experiences and helps us to contribute to bigger
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
 more easily.
This
Linking Words
 is because when
people
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 as one team they
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 more ideas and solve more
problem more
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 than if they
work
Use synonyms
 individually.
For example
Linking Words
, a primary school
implement
Wrong verb form
implemented
show examples
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 in all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
subject
Change to a plural noun
subjects
show examples
 for one month, which led to a significant
improve
Replace the word
improvement
show examples
 in
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 ability to learn and their
etheical
Correct your spelling
ethical
 behaviours.
Thus
Linking Words
,
cooperate
Replace the word
cooperation
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 positive effect on society's behaviour and
doing
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
 a huge project in
shorter
Correct article usage
a shorter
show examples
 time. In conclusion, despite that many think that competing against each other can
encourages
Change the verb form
encourage
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 hard and put in their best effort, I believe that cooperating with each other offers more advantages
such
Linking Words
 as learning from others and delivering huge
work
Use synonyms
 in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 period.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly organize your ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear main point and supporting sentences.
task achievement
Check for spelling and grammar mistakes to improve clarity. This will help convey your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Use more specific examples that directly support your ideas and arguments.
task achievement
You presented both views on the topic well, which is required by the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion nicely, approaching the end effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: