Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A lot of people think that the younger
generation
must pick the
dream
job
that they want. But for some they believe, that choosing a realistic
job
is more practical and way better for the future ahead.
First,
when the young
generation
pursue
Change the verb form
pursues
show examples
their
dream
job
, they will feel a lot happier and satisfied with their lives. Doing the things they love, will give freedom and impeccable feeling.
As a result
, they will have a good performance at work and not feel pressured to do their task, and they can finish the projects on time.
For example
, a friend of mine pursued his
dream
to be a programmer,
ever
Correct word choice
and ever
show examples
since he was a kid that was his ambition.
Hence
, he became one of the best
programmer
Change to a plural noun
programmers
show examples
I
ever known
Add the auxiliary verb
knew
have ever known
show examples
.
On the other hand
, for some
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
suggested
to choose
Change the verb form
choosing
show examples
a career which gives a high salary which is more practical and
realisitc
Correct your spelling
realistic
. For
the
Correct your spelling
this
show examples
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, the cost of living now is way more expensive than before.
Besides
, surviving each day is the main priority for all of us.
However
, it can
give
Verb problem
cause
show examples
a lot of distress to the younger
generation
and their mental health will be affected. Which can lead to serious illnesses and feeling out of track in life. In conclusion, I believe that young people should prioritize their
dream
job
so they can perform well
, at
Correct word choice
and, at
show examples
the same time
enjoying
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
their lives
while
working.
Above all
, having
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
in the
job
that you are admiring, can give the best result for the younger
generation
.
Submitted by chesleykerserarellano on

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task achievement
Ensure to elaborate more on the supporting points for each view to strengthen your argument. Providing additional examples can help clarify your statements.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay flows logically, using linking phrases more strategically could enhance coherence. Ensuring clearer transitions between contrasting ideas will help.
task achievement
The essay captures both sides of the argument effectively and concludes with a personal opinion, which is essential for this type of task.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are clearly articulated, laying a strong foundation and wrapping up the essay neatly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job satisfaction
  • skill development
  • market demands
  • financial stability
  • career growth
  • job security
  • income level
  • fulfilling professional life
  • personal happiness
  • career counseling
  • job market trends
  • adaptability
  • work-life balance
  • health implications
  • job automation
  • redundancy
  • emerging technologies
  • stable employment
  • motivated
  • competent
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