Some people say that education and heath care should be the responsibility of the goverment but other thinks that it is the responsibility of the individuals themseves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

people
like
education
and
helth
Correct your spelling
health
care for
life long
Correct your spelling
lifelong
show examples
live in the world. Some
people
say
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
arrange
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
service.
Other thing
Change the wording
Another thing
Other things
show examples
we have to
arrang
Correct your spelling
arrange
themself. In
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
two
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
very important for us. I will explain
both
views
my
Change preposition
in my
show examples
next paragraph.
Firstly
, Many
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
provide free
education
and medical for all the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
people
. It is useful for them.
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
this
reason
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
get more
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
educational literacy growth,
chang
Correct your spelling
change
show examples
Change preposition
in people
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
atitude
Correct your spelling
attitude
and
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
educational
people
will
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
in
aditional
Correct your spelling
additional
, when
government
give free medical most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
will be
helthly
Correct your spelling
healthy
and they will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
live long time.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
Sri
lanka
Change the capitalization
Lanka
show examples
and Moldives
government
distiput
both
service
Change to a plural noun
services
show examples
thus
,
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
countries have
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
educated
Change preposition
of educated
show examples
and
helthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
. It will be
usfull
Replace the word
a useful
show examples
country
develepment
Correct your spelling
development
.
Moreover
, Some
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
do not provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical and
education
therefore
,
people
get
both
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
themseves
Correct your spelling
themselves
. It is not possible to get all the
people
. so someone can not get
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
this
medicen
Correct your spelling
medicine
and
education
while
riche
Correct your spelling
rich
richer
people
only get
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
. poor can not get
peoper
Correct your spelling
proper
people
knowlede
Correct your spelling
knowledge
and medical
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
India
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
not provide all the medical and
education
free. it will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
many poor and
midel class
Correct your spelling
middle-class
families.
Japan
Replace the word
Japanese
show examples
people
follow
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
growth
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
education
and
helthcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
health care
. In
summery
Correct your spelling
summary
show examples
, some
counties
Change noun form
county's
counties'
show examples
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
provide free
education
and
helth
Correct your spelling
health
care
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
some
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
peovide
Correct your spelling
provide
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
people
get
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
.
Both
are have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
some
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
,
people
have to get more
education
and
helthcare knowlaged
Correct your spelling
health care knowledge
themselve
for life long live in the world.
Submitted by nrilwan373 on

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task achievement
Expand on the discussion of individual responsibility for education and healthcare, giving more depth to the examples and reasoning.
task achievement
Work on making your ideas clearer and expanding on points to provide a more comprehensive discussion.
task achievement
Use more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance the flow of the essay. Clearer demarcation of points and their connections will aid understanding.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction by explicitly mentioning the two sides of the argument to set up the discussion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the government's role and individual responsibility in education and healthcare, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion and summarizing the main ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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