IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that education and heath care should be the responsibility of the goverment but other thinks that it is the responsibility of the individuals themseves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
people
Use synonyms
 like
education
Use synonyms
 and
helth
Correct your spelling
health
 care for
life long
Correct your spelling
lifelong
show examples
 live in the world. Some
people
Use synonyms
 say
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 arrange
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 service.
Other thing
Change the wording
Another thing
Other things
show examples
 we have to
arrang
Correct your spelling
arrange
 themself. In
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 two
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 very important for us. I will explain
both
Use synonyms
 views
my
Change preposition
in my
show examples
 next paragraph.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, Many
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
provide free
education
Use synonyms
 and medical for all the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. It is useful for them.
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
this
Linking Words
 reason
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 get more
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 educational literacy growth,
chang
Correct your spelling
change
show examples
Use synonyms
Change preposition
in people
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
atitude
Correct your spelling
attitude
 and
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 educational
people
Use synonyms
 will
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
 in
aditional
Correct your spelling
additional
, when
government
Use synonyms
 give free medical most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will be
helthly
Correct your spelling
healthy
 and they will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
live long time.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 Sri
lanka
Change the capitalization
Lanka
show examples
 and Moldives
government
Use synonyms
 distiput
both
Use synonyms
service
Change to a plural noun
services
show examples
thus
Linking Words
,
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 countries have
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
educated
Change preposition
of educated
show examples
 and
helthy
Correct your spelling
healthy
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
. It will be
usfull
Replace the word
a useful
show examples
 country
develepment
Correct your spelling
development
.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
Linking Words
, Some
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
do not provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical and
education
Use synonyms
therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 get
both
Use synonyms
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
themseves
Correct your spelling
themselves
. It is not possible to get all the
people
Use synonyms
. so someone can not get
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
this
Linking Words
medicen
Correct your spelling
medicine
 and
education
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
riche
Correct your spelling
rich
richer
people
Use synonyms
 only get
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
. poor can not get
peoper
Correct your spelling
proper
people
knowlede
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and medical
Use synonyms
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 India
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 not provide all the medical and
education
Use synonyms
 free. it will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 many poor and
midel class
Correct your spelling
middle-class
 families.
Japan
Replace the word
Japanese
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 follow
Use synonyms
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
 growth
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 and
helthcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
health care
.
Conclusion
In
summery
Correct your spelling
summary
show examples
, some
counties
Change noun form
county's
counties'
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 provide free
education
Use synonyms
 and
helth
Correct your spelling
health
 care
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 some
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
peovide
Correct your spelling
provide
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 get
Use synonyms
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
.
Both
Use synonyms
are have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 some
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 have to get more
education
Use synonyms
 and
helthcare knowlaged
Correct your spelling
health care knowledge
themselve
Use synonyms
 for life long live in the world.

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task achievement
Expand on the discussion of individual responsibility for education and healthcare, giving more depth to the examples and reasoning.
task achievement
Work on making your ideas clearer and expanding on points to provide a more comprehensive discussion.
task achievement
Use more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance the flow of the essay. Clearer demarcation of points and their connections will aid understanding.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction by explicitly mentioning the two sides of the argument to set up the discussion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the government's role and individual responsibility in education and healthcare, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion and summarizing the main ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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