IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graph shows the average Japanese month salary (Yen) from 1953 to 1983, and the prices of black and white televisions and color televisions during the same period.

The graph shows the average Japanese month salary (Yen) from 1953 to 1983, and the prices of black and white televisions and color televisions during the same period.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph illustrates how much money (
Yen
Use synonyms
)
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 earned on average in one month between 1953 and 1983, and the prices of black and white
televisions
Use synonyms
 and colour
televisions
Use synonyms
 at the same time.
Overall
Linking Words
, the costs of colour
televisions
Use synonyms
 and black and white
televisions
Use synonyms
 decreased over time,
while
Linking Words
 the monthly average salary increased over the period of time. In 1953, the
price
Use synonyms
 of a black and white television was 110
thousand
Use synonyms
Yen
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the monthly salary was just below 20
thousand
Use synonyms
Yen
Use synonyms
. After that, in the next 10 years, the
price
Use synonyms
 of black and white
televisions
Use synonyms
 significantly dropped and reached 40
thousand
Use synonyms
Yen
Use synonyms
 just before 1963 and that
price
Use synonyms
 continued to decline slightly until 1983, when it was around 25000
Yen
Use synonyms
 in 1973 and 20
thousand
Use synonyms
Yen
Use synonyms
 in the year 1983 respectively, which is around five times lower in its initial level.
The colour
Correct article usage
Colour
show examples
televisions
Use synonyms
 started their journey nearly 1963, when their
price
Use synonyms
 was 100
thousand
Use synonyms
Yen
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, their
price
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 fell dramatically in the next 30 years, when they showed around 67
thousand
Use synonyms
Yen
Use synonyms
 in 1968, 55
thousand
Use synonyms
 in 1975, and just below 50
thousand
Use synonyms
 in the year 1963, which is almost half of its primary level.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the average rose slowly until 1970, when it was approximately 22
thousand
Use synonyms
Yen
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 increased slightly above 32
thousand
Use synonyms
 in 1976, later escalated considerably in 1963 and reached around 67
thousand
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words yen, televisions, price, thousand with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: