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Band 7

Some people believe that in order to give opportunities to new generations, companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire.Do you agree or disagree?

#people #opportunities #generations #companies #level #employees
These days, a group of populations think that the best way that we can take a chance for youth to have
work
 is for firms to make situations that people whose ages are more than fifty-five want to retire. I do not subscribe to
this
 idea owing to the fact that old employees have a lot of experiences that help
companies
 to improve;
moreover
, most retirees have mental issues. On the one hand, the
companies
 spend a great deal of
money
 and
time
 to generate a group of people who have a number of experiences that aid factories to develop immediately with high efficiency without wasting
money
 ;
however
, when the communities who are older than 55 do not
work
, the businesses should invest
time
 and
money
 again; in fact, with
this
 method after a long
time
, all
companies
 have to close.
On the other hand
, if old populations retire at the age of more than 55, they cannot create their own businesses;
besides
, they ought to spend all their
time
 on unimportant
work
.
In other words
,The communities who are not able to
work
 until their
time
 and are not really old become mentally sick
due to
 the fact that they believe that they lost their
time
;
additionally
, governments have to fund a majority of the cost of their treatment.
To sum up
, in my opinion, the older generations have a lot of benefits for
companies
such
 as investing less
money
 and
time
 in teaching and working with high yield;
furthermore
, the demerits of retirement have a negative effect on society.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion with clear stance.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph is focused and relevant to the overall argument.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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