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Band 7.5

Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime, but others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #homes #fear #crime #actions
There is an ongoing debate about whether more
action
 should be taken to prevent
crime
.
While
 some
people
 believe that it is essential and useful to impose more regulations on individuals, others argue that it is useless if more rules are introduced. In my opinion, it can not necessarily avoid
crime
 when taking more
action
. For those who believe that more methods being taken can deter
crime
 from occurring, there are several reasons to support
this
 idea. First of all, introducing stricter laws, punishments and financial penalties can make
people
 afraid of violating the laws and committing crimes.
In addition
, carrying out campaigns to raise public awareness of law abidance and teaching self-defence skills on a larger scale are bound to serve the purpose of restraining unlawful cases.
On the other hand
, those who argue that there is no existing
action
 or way can control the skyrocketing amount of
crime
.They claim that governments in many parts of the world have long been conducting a series of measures including those mentioned by
people
 who believe that
crime
 can be prevented, but only to result in a higher than ever
crime
 rate. Even if certain types of
crime
 are limited, new ones will come into being, which calls for another round of consideration and fight
that is
 always behind the time of cases committed. Personally, I tend to believe that it is useless for society to take lots of
action
 to stop
crime
. The best way to lower the
crime
 rate is to enforce fundamental education put more effort into taking care of individuals' mental health and financial condition, and give a helping hand when those
people
 are in need.
Submitted by n6160978224716 on

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task achievement
You have attempted to address both views and provided your opinion, which indicates a good understanding of the task. However, to improve further, try to include more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally coherent and logically structured, with clear progression of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present and contribute to a good understanding of your position.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the use of linking words and transitions between paragraphs to achieve a smoother flow of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion detailing your own opinion.
task achievement
You provide a balanced discussion of both perspectives, which contributes to a well-rounded essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Deterrent: something that discourages or is intended to discourage someone from doing something.
  • - Vigilant: keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties.
  • - Surveillance: close observation, especially of a suspected spy or criminal.
  • - Community-oriented programs: initiatives that target specific issues within a community.
  • - High-crime areas: neighborhoods or regions where crime rates are significantly elevated.
  • - Social inequality: the existence of unequal opportunities and rewards for different social positions within a society.
  • - Law enforcement: government officials responsible for maintaining public order and enforcing laws.
  • - Cynicism: an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest; skepticism.
  • - Pessimism: a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.
  • - Bureaucratic hurdles: obstacles related to the procedures and regulations in bureaucracies that create inefficiencies.
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