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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people are afraid to leave their homes because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more actions should be taken to prevent crime, but others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #homes #fear #crime #actions
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There is an ongoing debate about whether more
action
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 should be taken to prevent
crime
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.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that it is essential and useful to impose more regulations on individuals, others argue that it is useless if more rules are introduced. In my opinion, it can not necessarily avoid
crime
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 when taking more
action
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. For those who believe that more methods being taken can deter
crime
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 from occurring, there are several reasons to support
this
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 idea. First of all, introducing stricter laws, punishments and financial penalties can make
people
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 afraid of violating the laws and committing crimes.
In addition
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, carrying out campaigns to raise public awareness of law abidance and teaching self-defence skills on a larger scale are bound to serve the purpose of restraining unlawful cases.
On the other hand
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, those who argue that there is no existing
action
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 or way can control the skyrocketing amount of
crime
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.They claim that governments in many parts of the world have long been conducting a series of measures including those mentioned by
people
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 who believe that
crime
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 can be prevented, but only to result in a higher than ever
crime
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 rate. Even if certain types of
crime
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 are limited, new ones will come into being, which calls for another round of consideration and fight
that is
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 always behind the time of cases committed. Personally, I tend to believe that it is useless for society to take lots of
action
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 to stop
crime
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. The best way to lower the
crime
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 rate is to enforce fundamental education put more effort into taking care of individuals' mental health and financial condition, and give a helping hand when those
people
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 are in need.
Submitted by n6160978224716 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points, especially when discussing the effectiveness of strict laws and other measures.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and transition smoothly to the next point or section for a logical flow.
task achievement
Consider expanding on your personal opinion with more detailed reasoning and examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views regarding crime prevention measures.
coherence and cohesion
Good use of introductory and concluding statements to encapsulate the main arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task well and engages with both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Deterrent: something that discourages or is intended to discourage someone from doing something.
  • - Vigilant: keeping careful watch for possible danger or difficulties.
  • - Surveillance: close observation, especially of a suspected spy or criminal.
  • - Community-oriented programs: initiatives that target specific issues within a community.
  • - High-crime areas: neighborhoods or regions where crime rates are significantly elevated.
  • - Social inequality: the existence of unequal opportunities and rewards for different social positions within a society.
  • - Law enforcement: government officials responsible for maintaining public order and enforcing laws.
  • - Cynicism: an inclination to believe that people are motivated purely by self-interest; skepticism.
  • - Pessimism: a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen.
  • - Bureaucratic hurdles: obstacles related to the procedures and regulations in bureaucracies that create inefficiencies.
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