IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people believe that living a city offer greater benifits as compare to the countryside ? To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

It is increasingly argued that living in an urban area offers more benefits than living in a rural area.
This
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 essay agrees with the statement because living in a city guarantees excellent education and greater health care.
To begin
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 with, educational institutions in a modern city are more up-to-date than in rural areas. One main reason is that the government has invested more in sustainable values like school infrastructure, which allows kids to not only learn the theories of their mandatory subjects, but
also
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 implement them in real life. When they understand how to use it appropriately, they tend to have a high level of cognitive skills. Over time, the cognitive skills stimulate their mindset to become more critical, which is fundamental in many crucial professions.
For instance
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, most of the Japanese doctors and engineers are from big cities, and they have become successful individuals because they have learned critical thinking since elementary school.
Furthermore
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, health facilities in urban cities are more reliable.
This
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 is because the quality of the hospital equipment in
this
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 area is higher than the rural one. The experts and the inventors annually maintain the tools to help many patients with any kind of illness.
As a result
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,
due to
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 the number of illnesses being covered properly, people can focus on their activities, leading to more productive habits. A good example of
this
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 is the Mayapada Hospital in Jakarta, Indonesia.
Due to
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 its comprehensive facilities, technologies, and infrastructures, the number of people living near the hospital has increased significantly. In conclusion, living in a metropolitan space has more advantages than living in the countryside.
This
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 essay thinks it is more beneficial since the city provides a superb educational system
as well as
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 a distinguished health service.

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coherence
Use clear link words to show flow between ideas (First, Also, In addition, However).
content
Make each idea more clear by tying reason and example well.
content
Use only true or well known examples. Check facts if you state them.
grammar
Keep long sentences shorter. Use simple form for easy read.
grammar
Check common spelling mistakes. For example, 'benefits' is a common word; fix other slips too.
structure
Clear view of the topic and a present intro and conclusion.
coherence
Ideas are easy to follow with link words.
content
Examples are used to back up points.
content
Two main ideas are well shown: education and health.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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