Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people

Some manufacturers who produce food and drinks add more

sugar

, which generates many health problems. Sugary

products

should be made costly to encourage

people

to consume less

sugar

. I personally agree that making sugary

products

more expensive will help to reduce

sugar

consumption. First and foremost, sugary

products

are widely available nowadays, and we can find them easily.

People

can buy sugary

products

everywhere,

such

as supermarkets, minimarkets, and even at schools.

As a result

people

of all ages, from children to adults can buy sugary

products

without difficulty.

For example

, in Indonesian schools, syrup is commonly sold in canteens.

Although

the syrup contains a lot of

sugar

, it is a popular drink in elementary school and junior high school because the price is low.

Furthermore

, higher prices can limit the number of buyers. Consumers will be more likely to think twice before buying an expensive product.

For instance

, pasteurized

milk

is healthier, tastier, and contains less

sugar

than full-cream

milk

, but full-cream

milk

is more popular because it is cheaper. Since pasteurized

milk

is more expensive, many buyers prefer to choose full-cream

milk

Finally

although

some

people

might argue that rising prices will affect

people

's finances, there is no doubt that governments must take action to regulate sugary

products

. One step that can be taken is to increase the cost of sugary

products

to encourage

people

to consume less

sugar

. In conclusion, I believe by making sugary

products

more expensive,

people

will be encouraged to consume less sugary

products

, which can lead to better health outcomes.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Sun Nov 10 2024

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Task Achievement

Consider providing more elaboration on potential drawbacks of increased pricing and possible alternative solutions, to present a well-rounded argument.

Coherence Cohesion

Ensure that all points flow smoothly within and between paragraphs, and consider using additional linking words for clarity.

Task Achievement

Clear stance is expressed throughout the essay.

Task Achievement

Specific examples are utilized effectively to support the main points.

Coherence Cohesion

Logical structure and paragraphing contribute well to understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

257 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

health problems
manufactured food and drink products
sugary products
excessive sugar consumption
discourage
promote
healthier choices
reduce
increased taxes
fund
health education
prevention programs

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Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think foreign visitors should be charged more than local person when they visit the cultural and historical attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opionion.

some people think that using animals for experimentation purpose is cruel, but other people think that it is necessary for the development of science. Discuss both view and your opinion.

Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others beleve this may have negative effects on a child's development. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.