Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

Some manufacturers who produce food and drinks add more
sugar
, which generates many health problems. Sugary
products
should be made costly to encourage
people
to consume less
sugar
. I personally agree that making sugary
products
more expensive will help to reduce
sugar
consumption. First and foremost, sugary
products
are widely available nowadays, and we can find them easily.
People
can buy sugary
products
everywhere,
such
as supermarkets, minimarkets, and even at schools.
As a result
,
people
of all ages, from children to adults can buy sugary
products
without difficulty.
For example
, in Indonesian schools, syrup is commonly sold in canteens.
Although
the syrup contains a lot of
sugar
, it is a popular drink in elementary school and junior high school because the price is low.
Furthermore
, higher prices can limit the number of buyers. Consumers will be more likely to think twice before buying an expensive product.
For instance
, pasteurized
milk
is healthier, tastier, and contains less
sugar
than full-cream
milk
, but full-cream
milk
is more popular because it is cheaper. Since pasteurized
milk
is more expensive, many buyers prefer to choose full-cream
milk
.
Finally
,
although
some
people
might argue that rising prices will affect
people
's finances, there is no doubt that governments must take action to regulate sugary
products
. One step that can be taken is to increase the cost of sugary
products
to encourage
people
to consume less
sugar
. In conclusion, I believe by making sugary
products
more expensive,
people
will be encouraged to consume less sugary
products
, which can lead to better health outcomes.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Task Achievement
Consider providing more elaboration on potential drawbacks of increased pricing and possible alternative solutions, to present a well-rounded argument.
Coherence Cohesion
Ensure that all points flow smoothly within and between paragraphs, and consider using additional linking words for clarity.
Task Achievement
Clear stance is expressed throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Specific examples are utilized effectively to support the main points.
Coherence Cohesion
Logical structure and paragraphing contribute well to understanding.

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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