IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children who commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
On
Correct your spelling
One
show examples
 of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
children
Use synonyms
's crime. There are different opinions, about punishments who
makes
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 the crime.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 there is no absolute
agreements
Fix the agreement mistake
agreement
show examples
 on whether
parents
Use synonyms
 should be punished
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both of them and give
own
Correct pronoun usage
my own
show examples
 opinion. It is obvious that everybody should be accountable for their own
behaviour
Use synonyms
 and should be penalized in case of their wrongdoing.
However
Linking Words
, we could be in a dilemma when
crimes
Use synonyms
 are
made
Verb problem
committed
show examples
 by
children
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, if
children
Use synonyms
 commit
crimes
Use synonyms
 they should be punished because it is likely to prevent them from the next offences.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, if
children
Use synonyms
 avoid penalties, they would not be able to realize the full
severeness
Replace the word
severity
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 issue and its consequences. Undoubtedly, the main purpose of punishment is to demonstrate that you will be punished in case of your perpetration.
While
Linking Words
 exemption from punishment would lead to
children
Use synonyms
 repeating
crimes
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 are not adults, and perhaps they do not understand the full seriousness of wrong
behaviour
Use synonyms
. I'm sure that
parents
Use synonyms
 are completely responsible for their
children
Use synonyms
 in terms of their upbringing
as well as
Linking Words
 their
behaviour
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, when a child steals a cellphone from his classmate, it is likely the
parents
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 child failed to explain to them that theft is
extremelly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 wrong
behaviour
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 would lead them to prison.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when
parents
Use synonyms
 get out of touch with their
children
Use synonyms
, or even worse, set an example of wrong
behaviour
Use synonyms
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 they should
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
carry full responsibility for themselves and for their
children
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 should realize all repercussions of their offences,
nonetheless
Linking Words
, the ultimate responsibility for kids' wrongdoing lies with their
parents
Use synonyms
,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 were not able to teach their
children
Use synonyms
 the right
behaviour
Use synonyms
 and to prevent
crimes
Use synonyms
 committed by them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task prompt. This will help in achieving a higher score in task achievement.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. This can strengthen your position and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on logical structure by clearly dividing the essay into paragraphs with one main idea in each. This will improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to convey your ideas more precisely and to avoid repetition.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and present, effectively opening and closing your essay discussion.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic and presented both sides of the argument, which is crucial for a balanced discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: