IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

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There is a common idea that students are not
being
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prepared for real-life challenges, and the solution will be to integrate a practical approach
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along
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with their studies so they can gain experience and theoretical knowledge. In my opinion, children should have the freedom to choose extra-curricular activities accompanied by academic studies. First of all, we are living in a complex world where people must have a lot of skills and abilities already developed at a young age.
Furthermore
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, some institutions adapted their teaching methods to a more demanding world and kids are being taught project work and how to implement their ideas in a creative way.
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, a study showed that a work-study balanced approach will help younger ones to develop aptitudes and critical thinking.
Secondly
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, schools are not preparing teenagers to face real-life issues, and only studying academic subjects alone will not teach them professional skills.
Moreover
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, giving opportunities for students to combine theory with practice will expand their views of life and will teach them how to make decisions.
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, China is one of a few countries where students have duties at a young age and they have the freedom to choose their classes.
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, they can practice cooking, sewing, or even hand-crafting.
To conclude
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, no doubt that a short time of work will benefit young people and society, and it will give them a new approach to the world,
and
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institutions have to put more effort into introducing special programs so teenagers can choose their own career path at a young age.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the one before; consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
Develop each main point with more in-depth examples and reasoning to enhance the depth of your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, aiding in overall coherence.
task achievement
Relevant examples from real-world contexts, like China’s education system, strengthen the task response.
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