Mmany people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. do the advantages of this outweight the disadvantages.

Relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
Relationships
show examples
with family,
friends
, and colleagues play a crucial role in achieving individual
happiness
, often more so than career and fortune. I firmly agree with
this
statement as strong interpersonal
connections
provide emotional support, foster a sense of belonging, and contribute to an
overall
fulfilling
life
. First and foremost, communication with family and
friends
is
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
source of emotional support. In times of stress or difficulty, it is often our loved ones who rally around us to offer comfort and understanding.
For instance
, during challenging
life
events
such
as job loss or health issues, having a supportive network can make all the difference.
This
emotional backing not only helps individuals cope but
also
instills
Change the spelling
instils
show examples
resilience, which is crucial for long-term
happiness
.
Moreover
, relationship helps to improve our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Engaging in social activities with
friends
can lead to unforgettable
moment
Fix the agreement mistake
moments
show examples
that create lasting memories.
According to
research, People that have
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
strong social
connections
report more
happiness
than people who like to be alone.
On the contrary
,
while
work and
wealth
can offer temporary satisfaction or comfort
such
as financial security or professional recognition, they do not guarantee lasting
happiness
. Many individuals who achieve high levels of success in their
carrers
Correct your spelling
careers
may still feel unfulfilled if their personal
relationships
are lacking.
For example
, a high-powered executive may find themselves lonely despite their financial achievements because they prioritise work over nurturing personal
connections
.
Furthermore
, The pursuit of
wealth
can sometimes lead to unhealthy competition and stress. When individuals focus excessively on accumulating material possessions or climbing the corporate ladder, they may neglect their
relationships
.
This
imbalance can result in feelings of isolation and dissatisfaction over time.
Happiness derived
Add a hyphen
Happiness-derived
show examples
firm
wealth
is often fleeting.
However
, the joy found in meaningful
connections
tends to be more enduring. In conclusion,
while
work and
wealth
are important aspects of
life
that can provide comfort and opportunities for growth, they should not overshadow the significance of personal
relationships
. Emotional support from family and
friends
greatly influences our
overall
happiness
by providing resilience during tough
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
and enriching our lives through shared experiences. Ultimately, prioritizing
relationships
over material pursuits leads to a more meaningful and joyful existence.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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grammar
Ensure there are no spelling errors like 'carrers' which should be 'careers' and 'prioritise' should consistently use either British or American spelling.
coherence and cohesion
Try to separate paragraphs more clearly to emphasize transitions between different points.
task achievement
Consider providing a more explicit contrast between the benefits of relationships and the temporary nature of career and wealth-related happiness in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear and thoughtful introduction and conclusion, which effectively emphasize the main argument.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, like the high-powered executive, helps illustrate the negative impacts of prioritizing work over personal relationships.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a logical flow that guides the reader through the argument effectively.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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