Mmany people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. do the advantages of this outweight the disadvantages.

#mmany #people #technology #companies #data #exchange #access #software #outweight

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Relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

Relationships

show examples

with family,

friends

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, and colleagues play a crucial role in achieving individual

happiness

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, often more so than career and fortune. I firmly agree with

this

Linking Words

statement as strong interpersonal

connections

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provide emotional support, foster a sense of belonging, and contribute to an

overall

Linking Words

fulfilling

life

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. First and foremost, communication with family and

friends

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main

Change the article

the main

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source of emotional support. In times of stress or difficulty, it is often our loved ones who rally around us to offer comfort and understanding.

For instance

Linking Words

, during challenging

life

Use synonyms

events

such

Linking Words

as job loss or health issues, having a supportive network can make all the difference.

This

Linking Words

emotional backing not only helps individuals cope but

also

Linking Words

instills

Change the spelling

instils

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resilience, which is crucial for long-term

happiness

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Moreover

Linking Words

, relationship helps to improve our

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life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

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. Engaging in social activities with

friends

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can lead to unforgettable

moment

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moments

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that create lasting memories.

According to

Linking Words

research, People that have

Change preposition

apply

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strong social

connections

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report more

happiness

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than people who like to be alone.

On the contrary

Linking Words

while

Linking Words

work and

wealth

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can offer temporary satisfaction or comfort

such

Linking Words

as financial security or professional recognition, they do not guarantee lasting

happiness

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. Many individuals who achieve high levels of success in their

carrers

Correct your spelling

careers

may still feel unfulfilled if their personal

relationships

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are lacking.

For example

Linking Words

, a high-powered executive may find themselves lonely despite their financial achievements because they prioritise work over nurturing personal

connections

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Furthermore

Linking Words

, The pursuit of

wealth

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can sometimes lead to unhealthy competition and stress. When individuals focus excessively on accumulating material possessions or climbing the corporate ladder, they may neglect their

relationships

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This

Linking Words

imbalance can result in feelings of isolation and dissatisfaction over time.

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Happiness derived

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Happiness-derived

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firm

wealth

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is often fleeting.

However

Linking Words

, the joy found in meaningful

connections

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tends to be more enduring. In conclusion,

while

Linking Words

work and

wealth

Use synonyms

are important aspects of

life

Use synonyms

that can provide comfort and opportunities for growth, they should not overshadow the significance of personal

relationships

Use synonyms

. Emotional support from family and

friends

Use synonyms

greatly influences our

overall

Linking Words

happiness

Use synonyms

by providing resilience during tough

time

Fix the agreement mistake

times

show examples

and enriching our lives through shared experiences. Ultimately, prioritizing

relationships

Use synonyms

over material pursuits leads to a more meaningful and joyful existence.

Submitted by Writing9 on Sun Nov 10 2024

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grammar

Ensure there are no spelling errors like 'carrers' which should be 'careers' and 'prioritise' should consistently use either British or American spelling.

coherence and cohesion

Try to separate paragraphs more clearly to emphasize transitions between different points.

task achievement

Consider providing a more explicit contrast between the benefits of relationships and the temporary nature of career and wealth-related happiness in each paragraph.

coherence and cohesion

The essay presents a clear and thoughtful introduction and conclusion, which effectively emphasize the main argument.

task achievement

The use of specific examples, like the high-powered executive, helps illustrate the negative impacts of prioritizing work over personal relationships.

coherence and cohesion

The essay is well-structured, with a logical flow that guides the reader through the argument effectively.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – advantages
Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

The main advantage is...
The disadvantage of this...
The main benefit...
Despite these advantages...
One possible drawback...

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

359 words

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Mmany people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to software. do the advantages of this outweight the disadvantages.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

The government should spend more money on medical research to protect citizens’ health rather than on protecting the environment. Do you agree or disagree?

More and more people nowadays are learning on the Internet of going to class. What are the advantages of learning online? Do you think online learning can totally replace the classroom learning?

Students in some countries leave school without good understanding of how to manage their money. What do you think are the reasons? What are the solutions to this problem?

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. What factors do you think influence these decisions? Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported?