IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The use of recreational drugs is on the increase, especially among young people. Describe the reasons for this worrying issue and provide suggestions to minimize it.

#drugs #people #suggestions
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The increase in the
use
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 of recreational
drugs
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, particularly among young
people
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, is indeed a concerning issue. There are several reasons that contribute to
this
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 trend, and addressing them requires a multifaceted approach. Here are some common reasons for the increase and suggestions to minimize
drug
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use
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: Peer pressure and social influence: Young
people
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 often face pressure from their peers to experiment with
drugs
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 as a way to fit in or be accepted. To minimize
this
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, it is important to promote positive peer influences and create a supportive environment where young
people
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 feel comfortable making healthy choices.
Education
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 campaigns can
also
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 focus on teaching resistance skills and assertiveness training to help young
individuals
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 resist peer pressure. Lack of awareness and
education
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: Insufficient knowledge about the risks and
consequences
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 of
drug
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use
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 can lead to experimentation. Comprehensive
drug
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education
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programs
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 should be implemented in schools and communities, providing accurate information about the dangers associated with
drug
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use
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. These
programs
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 should emphasize the long-term effects on physical and mental
health
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,
as well as
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 the legal
consequences
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. Easy
access
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 to
drugs
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: The availability and accessibility of
drugs
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 play a significant role in their
use
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. Strengthening law enforcement efforts to disrupt
drug
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 supply chains can help reduce
access
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.
Additionally
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,
community
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 initiatives can focus on promoting alternative recreational activities
such
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 as sports, arts, and hobbies, providing young
people
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 with healthier outlets for their energy and curiosity. Mental
health
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 issues: Many
individuals
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 turn to
drugs
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 as a means of self-medication for underlying mental
health
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 problems
such
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 as anxiety, depression, or stress. It is crucial to prioritize mental
health
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support
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 and resources, ensuring young
people
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 have
access
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 to counseling services, therapy, and
support
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 networks. Early intervention and prevention
programs
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 can help identify and address mental
health
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 issues before they escalate.
Media
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 influence: The portrayal of
drug
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use
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 in popular culture, music, movies, and social
media
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 can glamorize or normalize
drug
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use
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. Collaborating with
media
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 outlets to promote responsible content that accurately depicts the risks and
consequences
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 of
drug
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use
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 can help counteract these influences.
Additionally
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, promoting positive role models and stories of
individuals
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 who have overcome
drug
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 addiction can inspire young
people
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 to make healthier choices. Parental
involvement
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 and communication: Strong parental
involvement
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 and open communication with young
people
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 are crucial in preventing
drug
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use
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. Parents should establish clear rules and expectations regarding
drug
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use
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, foster a supportive and non-judgmental atmosphere, and actively engage in conversations about
drugs
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 and their
consequences
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. Parental
involvement
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 can
also
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 include monitoring and limiting
access
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 to potential sources of
drugs
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,
such
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 as medicine cabinets or alcohol.
Community
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support
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 and engagement: Communities play a vital role in preventing
drug
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use
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 among young
people
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. Engaging
community
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 leaders, schools, healthcare professionals, and law enforcement in collaborative efforts can create a holistic approach to
drug
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 prevention.
Community
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-based
programs
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,
support
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 groups, and recreational activities can provide positive alternatives and a sense of belonging for young
individuals
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. In conclusion, addressing the increase in recreational
drug
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use
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 among young
people
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 requires a comprehensive approach that includes
education
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, prevention, mental
health
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support
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, parental
involvement
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,
media
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 responsibility, and
community
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 engagement. By targeting these areas, we can work towards minimizing
drug
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use
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 and creating a healthier and safer environment for young
individuals
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.
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. It correctly addresses the task and successfully communicates your ideas. However, you could enhance your essay by varying sentence structures and using a wider range of cohesive devices. Additionally, linking words could be employed more effectively to ensure a smoother flow of ideas between paragraphs.
Task Achievement
You have provided a comprehensive response to the task, featuring clear and comprehensive ideas supported by relevant examples. To further improve, consider introducing more specific examples, including statistical data or research findings, where appropriate, to strengthen your argument and give it more credibility. Also, ensure that every paragraph contributes new information and insights to avoid repetition.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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