IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents do not vaccinate their children but others prefer to do it. Do you think children should be vaccinated?

#parents #vaccinate #children
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Vaccination is indeed one of the most important things to have a healthy body and
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 economy for
parents
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.
While
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 some
parents
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 prefer doing vaccines for their
children
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, others choose the opposite way. I strongly believe that doing vaccines is always advantageous
due to
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 the fact that it makes
children
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's bodies healthier.
On the other hand
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, if
parents
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 get vaccinations for their
children
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, it will cause a better economy. vaccination saves our
children
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's health as there are so many diseases that can harm
children
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.
For instance
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, the Rabisin virus is the most dangerous disease in the world before to now. İf
parents
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 don't
vaccinate
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 their
children
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 for rabies virus,
children
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 can be ill.
Moreover
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, they can die.
According to
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 some scientists, so many deaths are happening in the world because of less vaccination. It is really suprised for our
children
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. I am of the opinion that every parent should have acknowledged
this
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 issue. Doing
vaccine
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vaccination
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 is always more economical than not vaccinating. İf family don't
vaccinate
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 their child, they will be sick in fact may die.
As a result
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 of
this
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, it is quite difficult to afford it, so it is logical to
vaccinate
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 immediately. Every parent's
children
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 are important to theirs.
Hence
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, I definitely agree with those who prefer to
vaccinate
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 their
children
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. In conclusion, I certainly prefer to
vaccinate
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children
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 rather than other ways.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that there are many economic advantages to it.
Furthermore
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, vaccinations make the bodies of
children
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 much healthier than normal.
Submitted by yito18750 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly. Linking words like 'furthermore' or 'in addition' can help connect ideas better.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate your points and enhance clarity. Including a few statistics or recent studies might strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Address counterarguments briefly to demonstrate a balanced view. Mentioning reasons why some parents might not vaccinate and counteracting those reasons can add depth to your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the main question regarding children's vaccination effectively in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You provide clear reasons supporting your opinion, such as health benefits and economic advantages, and restate these points to reinforce your perspective.
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