IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that there should be the death penalty for extremely serious crimes. Others believe that it is not morally correct to kill criminals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #death #penalty #crimes #criminals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
At present
era
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 death penalty is
anti
Correct word choice
apply
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against whether to have or not. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I am going to discuss both the points and
then
 explain why I believe.
Firstly
 there are
people
 who argue that the benefits of killing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
criminals considerably outweigh its
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
. The main reason for believing that
this
 is some special cases like committing rap on toddlers,
that is
 not at all acceptable and
people
 expect immediate
justice
, in
such
scenario
Correct article usage
a scenario
show examples
, I strongly believe that
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 penalty is the appropriate
justice
 for it.
Example
Change preposition
For example
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 I have read news in the
news paper
Correct your spelling
newspaper
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 four guys
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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attempted
rap
Fix the infinitive
to rap
show examples
 on six years
old
Correct your spelling
six-year-old
show examples
 girl, the government found those guys and the final
justice
 was death.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 others believe that, if any crime
is happened
Change to the active voice
happens
has happened
show examples
people
 say that, criminals should be given time to counsel
him
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to change, some kind of
therapies
Fix the agreement mistake
therapy
show examples
, should be investigated, why they have
done
Correct pronoun usage
done it
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, what initiated them to do
this activities
Change the determiner
this activity
these activities
show examples
 and should take preventive measures, so that similar incidents will not
takes
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 place again, punishing the criminal not only gives the solution it is responsible to take preventive measures is more appropriate.
Example
Change preposition
For example
show examples
 educating the
people
 from the school itself about etiquette
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 boys and,
also
 providing
self defence
Add a hyphen
self-defence
show examples
 technic to all the girls. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 I believe both arguments have their merits.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 I believe that immediate
justice
 always
satisfy
Change the verb form
satisfies
show examples
 the victim.
Submitted by karuna.mk220 on

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language
Improve grammatical accuracy and avoid sentence fragments such as 'At present era death penalty is anti against whether to have or not'.
coherence
Clarify the essay's structure by making the main argument of each paragraph more explicit.
cohesion
Provide clearer transitions between ideas to enhance the logical flow.
task response
Expand on specific examples to make your arguments more compelling and informative.
structure
The essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, establishing a proper structure.
task response
The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument as well as provide a personal opinion.
examples
Some relevant examples are given to support the points made, like the newspaper story.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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