IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that technology has made our lives more convenient, while others argue that it has caused more harm than good. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #technology #lives #harm
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is undoubtedly true that
technology
Use synonyms
 has a great impact on our lives.
While
Linking Words
 some people claim that
technology
Use synonyms
 facilitates our living, others argue that its damages are more than its benefits.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both points of view and agree with the latter for certain reasons. If we look at it one way,
technology
Use synonyms
 has led to a number of innovations that enhance productivity in various fields.
In other words
Linking Words
, automation machinery has revolutionized both household and industrial tasks, ensuring that work is completed much more efficiently.
For example
Linking Words
, SpaceX was the organization that made the most scientific discoveries in the
last
Linking Words
 6 years thanks to the quantum computer with extremely fast computing capabilities created in 2018. If we look at it another way,
technology
Use synonyms
 negatively affects human health by creating a state of immobility. Strictly speaking, people's bodies can fail to develop
due to
Linking Words
 the inactivity created by devices.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 a study conducted on the people of Beijing, 46.8% of them suffered from bone inflammation
due to
Linking Words
 sitting in front of the computer for hours. In my opinion, for the human race, whose evolution was formed by physical action to achieve a goal, the fact that
technology
Use synonyms
 has replaced us in many areas and created laziness is a big factor directed against the development of our generation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe
technology
Use synonyms
 has more disadvantages than positive sides. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 may reduce the effort required to achieve certain goals, its dangers—particularly to human health—far surpass the advantages it brings.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Enhance your argument by addressing potential counterarguments. In the paragraph where you argue against technology, consider acknowledging some benefits and then provide evidence why the disadvantages outweigh them.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more varied linking words or phrases to further improve coherence and demonstrate a sophisticated command of cohesive devices. For example, words like 'conversely', 'nevertheless', or 'furthermore' can add depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
Offers relevant specific examples, such as the SpaceX innovation and the Beijing study, to support claims.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a logical structure throughout, clearly presenting both sides of the argument before giving a personal opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: