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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people think that public health is responsibility of the government while others believe that individuals should be responsible for the own health. This is both the views and give your opinion

#people #health #responsibility #government #individuals
Health
that is
 real wealth and not pieces of silver and gold. some
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 believe that taking care of
health
 is
responsibility
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the responsibility
show examples
 of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
while
 others
argues
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
 that it's a part of individuals. I will discuss both sides of
proposal
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the proposal
show examples
 and reach my logical conclusion. There
are
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is
show examples
plethora
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a plethora
show examples
 of
argument
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arguments
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 that public
health
 is
responsibility
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the responsibility
show examples
 of the
government
. First and foremost
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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; If
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 organize
frequently
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frequent
show examples
 and free
seminar
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seminars
show examples
 on
value
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the value
show examples
 of
health
 it will create
good
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a good
show examples
 image in
public
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the public
show examples
 mind. Because
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 people
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to take care
abot
Correct your spelling
of
 their
health
 but
due to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 financial condition they are unable to do that. A possible solution to
this
 problem would be
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
 should make free gym for
public
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the public
show examples
. So that everyone can take advantage of that. Undoubtedly, the given statement
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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bulk
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a bulk
show examples
 amount of favourable effects, but we should not avoid their other sides too. Taking care of
health
 is not only
Correct article usage
the responsibilty
show examples
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 but people should
awake
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wake
show examples
byself
Correct your spelling
myself
for
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up
show examples
 that. They should manage their routine diet, workout and
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 balance too. They
shold
Correct your spelling
should
 avoid
alchohole
Correct your spelling
alcohol
,
nicotin
Correct your spelling
nicotine
 and other dangerous stuff. ex. If
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 doing
job
Correct article usage
a job
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 very close to
their
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them
show examples
 he/she should go
by
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on
show examples
walk
Correct article usage
a walk
show examples
. It is good exercise for the day to day life. To reiterate, both sides of the statement have their own merits and
demeris
Correct your spelling
demerits
, If
government
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the government
show examples
 gives their best to
public
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the public
show examples
 and should promote
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
.
Also
,
public
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the public
show examples
 should take advantage of the
government
's help too.
Submitted by ururangholiya on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph clearly links to the next, and use a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas. Make sure the conclusion directly reflects the arguments made in the body paragraphs.
task achievement
On task achievement, address each part of the prompt fully and use a range of examples that support your arguments effectively. Expand on examples and explanations to show a thorough understanding of the topic.
introduction
The essay begins with a strong introduction, providing a good starting point with a famous quote and stating both perspectives.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives on the responsibility of public health, showing an understanding of the complexity of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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