The media pays too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers and footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#media #attention #lives #relationships #celebrities #actors #singers #footballers #time #people

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays, the

media

Use synonyms

prioritize representing

Use synonyms

lives

Correct article usage

the lives

show examples

of well-reputed

people

Use synonyms

in the fields of art and sport and dedicate significant time and resources to

this

Linking Words

walk of society.

However

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

argue that

this

Linking Words

focus is not acceptable

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and that the

media

Use synonyms

should

instead

Linking Words

pay more attention to the

lives

Use synonyms

of normal

people

Use synonyms

While

Linking Words

I recognize the entertainment value of celebrity coverage, I partially agree that the

media

Use synonyms

should give greater emphasis to ordinary

Use synonyms

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

lives

Use synonyms

, as

this

Linking Words

can help to better

understanding

Replace the word

understand

show examples

of challenges faced by

public

Correct article usage

the public

show examples

. Focusing too much on celebrities can create problems for both celebrities and the public. For regular

people

Use synonyms

, seeing impeccable celebrity

lives

Use synonyms

can make them feel like their own

lives

Use synonyms

are not good enough.

For instance

Linking Words

, someone might compare their modest home to

celebrity’s

Correct article usage

a celebrity’s

show examples

luxurious mansion and feel dissatisfied with their own living situation.

Moreover

Linking Words

, celebrities might have trouble keeping their private

lives

Use synonyms

secret because reporters always try to find out everything about them.

This

Linking Words

as a result

Linking Words

, can make them feel

stress

Wrong verb form

stressed

show examples

and have problems with their mental health.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, shifting the attention toward the

lives

Use synonyms

of ordinary

people

Use synonyms

can have numerous positive effects. For one thing, it can foster empathy and understanding in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society by showing the different challenges

people

Use synonyms

face. Reading about how someone

overcome

Correct subject-verb agreement

overcomes

show examples

a problem can inspire others to do the same.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, highlighting the unknown heroes, like volunteers and activists can encourage others to contribute positively to their communities.

For example

Linking Words

, during COVID-19 stories about healthcare workers made

people

Use synonyms

feel grateful and want to help. In conclusion,

while

Linking Words

celebrity news can be entertaining, it is crucial for the

media

Use synonyms

to strike a balance between covering the

lives

Use synonyms

of famous

people

Use synonyms

and regular ones. By doing so, the

media

Use synonyms

can foster

Add an article

a more

show examples

empathic society that values

contribution

Correct article usage

the contribution

show examples

and challenges of all its members. Ultimately, When the

media

Use synonyms

talks about both well-known and ordinary

people

Use synonyms

, can lead to a more connected world.

Submitted by fmahmoudialami on Sun Nov 10 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Enhance clarity in paragraphs by ensuring each idea is clearly defined and linked smoothly. Consider explicit transitional phrases for seamless flow between ideas.

task achievement

Incorporate more varied and specific examples that exemplify main points with greater relevance and depth. Try to include examples from different perspectives.

task achievement

The essay presents a well-rounded argument discussing both sides of the issue concerning media focus.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, dividing ideas into different paragraphs appropriately.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion successfully encapsulates the main points and offers a rounded closing to the essay, enhancing the reader's understanding.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

326 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economic development, but many important social values can be lost as a result. Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?
Economic development is often pursued by countries to improve the standard of living, providing better access to education, healthcare, and job opportunities. However, this progress can come at the expense of important social values. While the benefits of economic development are significant, the loss of social values raises important concerns about the long-term impact on society.
<4
band
Technology has developed very fast over the past 100 years. However, some people think that technological progress has brought negative effects on the humanity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Technology has been developing at a very fast pace over the last ten decades. Nevertheless, there are some people who think that technological progress has brought negative effects on the humanity. I completely agree that technology has had adverse effects on human mankind.
6.5
band
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others,however , say that this would have little effect on pyblic health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinoin
Public health is an important issue that needs to be addressed nowadays. Some argue that to tackle this problem, it is crucial to increase the number of sports facilities. However, others believe that this policy does not have a significant effect, and therefore, other measures should be considered. This essay will discuss these perspectives and provide my opinion.
5.5
band
It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Saving money is crucial for everyone, including young individuals and for their future. I totally agree with this statement as saving money is beneficial for adults.
5
band
Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsible of individuals to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Although some are of the opinion that the government ought to be accountable for deterring crime, others think that it is the duty of individuals to safeguard themselves. In my opinion, I consider that the state plays an essential role in preventing crime from happening.On the one hand , according to some , the government should be responsible for crime prevention because they have the power to control the crimes and I agree with this view. In other words, to avoid the numbers of crimes and to law enforcement and also they have the ability to do that. For example,In some countries the punishment for selling drugs it is a capital punishment.If any problem or bad thing happened to people the government only the one who has the right to arrest and punishment for criminals. Furthermore, the government job to protect the citizens and they are taking taxes from them . To explain further, government has enough ability to make security facilities to protect people and come up with good syst...

The media pays too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers and footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economic development, but many important social values can be lost as a result. Do the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

Technology has developed very fast over the past 100 years. However, some people think that technological progress has brought negative effects on the humanity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others,however , say that this would have little effect on pyblic health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinoin

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsible of individuals to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.