The media pays too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers and footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the
media
prioritize representing
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
of well-reputed
people
in the fields of art and sport and dedicate significant time and resources to
this
walk of society.
However
, some
people
argue that
this
focus is not acceptable
,
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apply
show examples
and that the
media
should
instead
pay more attention to the
lives
of normal
people
.
While
I recognize the entertainment value of celebrity coverage, I partially agree that the
media
should give greater emphasis to ordinary
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lives
, as
this
can help to better
understanding
Replace the word
understand
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of challenges faced by
public
Correct article usage
the public
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. Focusing too much on celebrities can create problems for both celebrities and the public. For regular
people
, seeing impeccable celebrity
lives
can make them feel like their own
lives
are not good enough.
For instance
, someone might compare their modest home to
celebrity’s
Correct article usage
a celebrity’s
show examples
luxurious mansion and feel dissatisfied with their own living situation.
Moreover
, celebrities might have trouble keeping their private
lives
secret because reporters always try to find out everything about them.
This
,
as a result
, can make them feel
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
and have problems with their mental health.
On the other hand
, shifting the attention toward the
lives
of ordinary
people
can have numerous positive effects. For one thing, it can foster empathy and understanding in
the
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apply
show examples
society by showing the different challenges
people
face. Reading about how someone
overcome
Correct subject-verb agreement
overcomes
show examples
a problem can inspire others to do the same.
Furthermore
, highlighting the unknown heroes, like volunteers and activists can encourage others to contribute positively to their communities.
For example
, during COVID-19 stories about healthcare workers made
people
feel grateful and want to help. In conclusion,
while
celebrity news can be entertaining, it is crucial for the
media
to strike a balance between covering the
lives
of famous
people
and regular ones. By doing so, the
media
can foster
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
empathic society that values
contribution
Correct article usage
the contribution
show examples
and challenges of all its members. Ultimately, When the
media
talks about both well-known and ordinary
people
, can lead to a more connected world.
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coherence cohesion
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Incorporate more varied and specific examples that exemplify main points with greater relevance and depth. Try to include examples from different perspectives.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-rounded argument discussing both sides of the issue concerning media focus.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, dividing ideas into different paragraphs appropriately.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion successfully encapsulates the main points and offers a rounded closing to the essay, enhancing the reader's understanding.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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