Nowadays, more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same job. What problemes does this came? What are some possible solutions?

These days, many older
people
have to compete with younger
people
to get the same
job
.
This
is because there is no age limit for the employees in the
job
sector.
This
causes
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
discrimination among the young
people
and old
people
, and the older
people
remain jobless. The solutions are providing equal opportunities for both parties
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and arranging
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
to improve performance. If older
people
compete with young
people
to find the same
job
, it causes
descrimination
Correct your spelling
discrimination
among them. In the interview, young
people
can prove their
enthusiasms
Fix the agreement mistake
enthusiasm
show examples
due to
their young age, and get the
job
while
older
people
despite having experience fail to prove them.
Moreover
, older
people
remain jobless because of
this
.
As a result
, they cannot feed their families.
For example
, in Bangladesh, several multinational companies choose young employees because they prove them as enthusiastic to do their jobs.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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introduction conclusion
The introduction touches upon the main issues but could be developed further to clearly outline your arguments.
logical structure
Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to improve overall flow.
supported main points
Provide more comprehensive support and examples for your points, especially for the solutions you propose.
complete response
You have identified two main problems related to older people competing with younger people for jobs.
relevant specific examples
Your example from Bangladesh provides a concrete illustration of the issue.
logical structure
The essay presents a clear distinction between the problems and solutions, helping the reader understand your argument structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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