IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages.

#people #health #person #service #companies #healthcare
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It is true that good
health
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care
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 services are a fundamental need that every citizen demands.
While
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 there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 private
hospitals
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, I still believe that these will be eclipsed by the benefits. On the one hand, the downsides of private
health
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care
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 cannot be overlooked. As a matter of fact, patients may suffer from the expensive fees for diagnosis and treatment as the costs for private
hospitals
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 to maintain state-of-the-art facilities and employ well-trained doctors are extremely exorbitant, which discourages the underprivileged from enjoying quality
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health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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care
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 services.
As a result
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, only the affluent are able to have access to good
health
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care
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 but those who always struggle to make a living cannot afford it.
This
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 practice goes against the common belief that everyone, regardless of financial background, is entitled to medical service.
On the other hand
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, I still believe that the disadvantages of private clinics cannot overshadow the advantages. Private
healthcare
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centers
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centres
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 can share responsibilities with state
hospitals
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 in taking
care
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 of people’s
health
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. With the rapid growth of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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, public medical services are unable to solely provide sufficient
health
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care
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 for a large number of patients.
Therefore
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, the widespread presence of private
healthcare
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 institutions with facilities greatly modernized and doctors carefully trained not only supplies people with high-quality professional treatment but
also
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 solves the problems of overloaded public
healthcare
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 systems.
For instance
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, as the publicly funded
healthcare
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 system in Vietnam is becoming overloaded, the appearance of private
hospitals
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such
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 as Phap Viet and Hoan My can share responsibilities for easing the pressures of state
hospitals
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. In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of the prevalence of private clinics outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and covers all aspects effectively. Continue to develop each point even further for maximum impact.
task achievement
Ensure your examples are specific and highly relevant. This will help to make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the flow between paragraphs by using more varied transitional devices or phrases.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported and the examples provided are quite relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit-making companies
  • medical services
  • public healthcare systems
  • state-of-the-art facilities
  • personalized care
  • innovation and efficiency
  • equity and access
  • public institutions
  • healthcare disparity
  • accessibility
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