All students ought to study art and music in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, there have been many debates about whether
art
and
music
should be compulsory in
schools
.
Although
, some believe these
subjects
are important for an education curriculum,
while
others argue that they are not as important as core
subjects
like mathematics and science. I strongly believe that
art
and
music
should be part of the school curriculum, though not necessarily compulsory for all
students
.
Firstly
, studying
art
and
music
provides an exciting way for
students
to express themselves creatively.
While
academic success is often emphasized,
this
subject allows
students
to explore their emotions and ideas.
This
system can help build student self-confidence and reduce stress, which is essential for mental health.
For instance
, many
students
who struggle in traditional
subjects
like math or science can achieve success in
art
and
music
, leading to a more positive school experience.
However
, making
art
and
music
compulsory may not be suitable for all
students
, especially those who are less interested or talented in those areas.
Otherwise
,
schools
can offer
art
and
music
as elective
subjects
, allowing
students
to choose what they are interested in most.
This
approach will help
schools
allocate resources effectively
while
ensuring
students
have the opportunity to explore a variety of areas.
For instance
, doing things that are less interesting will make
students
feel uncomfortable and can have a negative impact on their educational development. In conclusion, I believe that
art
and
music
should be available to all
students
in school, but they should not be compulsory. By giving
students
the choice,
schools
can provide a balanced education that respects individual interests and needs.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, you could mention specific programs or studies showing the benefits of art and music in education.
coherence cohesion
While your points are generally clear, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly connects to the thesis statement in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to transition smoothly between thoughts, especially when contrasting different perspectives, to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your viewpoint and sets up the argument well.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion with rational reasoning for both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
You effectively conclude by reaffirming your position and summarizing key points, providing a strong ending to the essay.

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