IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

All students ought to study art and music in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Music
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
 are two of the main subjects in some
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 that need to be learned by the
students
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. Some
students
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 might enjoy it, but others do not really like it very much and feel that it is not interesting and it just wasting their
time
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. Personally, I agree that all
students
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 should study arts, even though there are some drawbacks
from
Change preposition
to
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 it.
Art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 actually have some benefits,
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 it can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kindergarten children to think
creative
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creatively
show examples
, learn about colour, songs,
musical
Correct word choice
and musical
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instrument
Fix the agreement mistake
instruments
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, and
also
Linking Words
 help their
motoric
Correct your spelling
motor
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 to grow.
Besides
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 that, a book called "
Art
Use synonyms
 and
Music
Use synonyms
 Psychology" explains that it can be one of the
theraphy
Correct your spelling
therapy
method
Change to a plural noun
methods
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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older
students
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 to help them reduce their stress and express their feelings.
In addition
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, it can
also
Linking Words
 help them to think
creative
Change the word
creatively
show examples
 and explore their hobby or their hidden that they do not expect. Apart from
the
Correct your spelling
these
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 reasons,
art
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 and
music
Use synonyms
 can be learned by the
students
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 from courses outside the
school
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 as they need to get more
time
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 to learn about other hard and crucial subjects
such
Linking Words
 as mathematics, physics, and chemistry.
Additionally
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, studying
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 means the
students
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 need materials or
Use synonyms
music
Replace the word
musical
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 instruments, so they have to spend more money
besides
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of
Change preposition
apply
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the
school
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 fees. But, in my opinion, it is not a big deal since some
school
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 provides the materials and instruments, and
also
Linking Words
 by taking
art
Use synonyms
 courses outside the
school
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, it means that they need to spend more money and
time
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 too. In conclusion, even though studying
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 in
school
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 some
drawbaks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
 like wasting
time
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 and money,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is more beneficial for the student, since it can help the
students
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 to think
creative
Change the word
creatively
show examples
, reduce stress, et cetera.

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task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument more comprehensively. Although you mention some drawbacks, it's important to explore them in more depth to show a balanced analysis.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas clearly into paragraphs: introduction, supporting paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea, clearly supported and connected to your thesis.
coherence cohesion
Consider using linking words and clear transitions to help the reader follow the flow of your argument and connections between ideas.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or facts to make your arguments more convincing. This will help reinforce your points and demonstrate a strong task response.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well. The introduction states your position, and the conclusion summarizes your arguments effectively.
complete response
Your essay attempts to consider both the positives and negatives regarding art and music education. This shows an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
supported main points
You have used some explanations and references to support your viewpoint, which helps in clarifying your perspective.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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