IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

All students ought to study art and music in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #study #art #music #school
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In recent years, there have been many debates about whether
art
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 and
music
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 should be compulsory in
schools
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.
Although
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, some believe these
subjects
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 are important for an education curriculum,
while
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 others argue that they are not as important as core
subjects
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 like mathematics and science. I strongly believe that
art
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 and
music
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 should be part of the school curriculum, though not necessarily compulsory for all
students
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.
Firstly
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, studying
art
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 and
music
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 provides an exciting way for
students
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 to express themselves creatively.
While
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 academic success is often emphasized,
this
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 subject allows
students
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 to explore their emotions and ideas.
This
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 system can help build student self-confidence and reduce stress, which is essential for mental health.
For instance
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, many
students
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 who struggle in traditional
subjects
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 like math or science can achieve success in
art
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 and
music
Use synonyms
, leading to a more positive school experience.
However
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, making
art
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 and
music
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 compulsory may not be suitable for all
students
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, especially those who are less interested or talented in those areas.
Otherwise
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,
schools
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 can offer
art
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 and
music
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 as elective
subjects
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, allowing
students
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 to choose what they are interested in most.
This
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 approach will help
schools
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 allocate resources effectively
while
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 ensuring
students
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 have the opportunity to explore a variety of areas.
For instance
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, doing things that are less interesting will make
students
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 feel uncomfortable and can have a negative impact on their educational development. In conclusion, I believe that
art
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 and
music
Use synonyms
 should be available to all
students
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 in school, but they should not be compulsory. By giving
students
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 the choice,
schools
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 can provide a balanced education that respects individual interests and needs.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. For instance, you could mention specific programs or studies showing the benefits of art and music in education.
coherence cohesion
While your points are generally clear, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly connects to the thesis statement in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to transition smoothly between thoughts, especially when contrasting different perspectives, to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your viewpoint and sets up the argument well.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion with rational reasoning for both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
You effectively conclude by reaffirming your position and summarizing key points, providing a strong ending to the essay.
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