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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some scientists believe that in the future computers will be more intelligence than human beings. While some see this as a positive development others worry about the negative consequences. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#scientists #future #computers #intelligence #beings #see #development #consequences
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Some researchers think that
technology
 will be more intelligent than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human beings in the near future.
While
 some individuals
think
Add the particle
think to
show examples
 consider it as a positive development in case of getting prompt solutions, put
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 efforts and of course increase the productivity of the company
whereas
 others think that
this
 trend may
hault
Correct your spelling
halt
 the economic growth, increase the reliability and having technical faults may put the life of human beings is in danger. For me, a balanced
prospective
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perspective
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 should
be consider
Change the verb form
be considered
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and
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apply
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valuable by recognizing the benefits of
computer
intelligence
 and by careful management of
this
technology
. On the one hand, artificial
intelligence
 could lead to advancements in medical and
in
Change preposition
apply
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business professions where they can
use
this
technology
 to get immediate results by solving tasks,
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 medicines and
use
Wrong verb form
using
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this
technology
 in those areas where human life is in danger. So, to perform the tasks effectively and
effficiently
Correct your spelling
efficiently
 they can
use
technology
 without occuring any
error
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errors
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.
For instance
, in the USA, almost 2,50,000
people
died
Wrong verb form
die
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 every year because of
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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medical errors. They
use
La
Correct article usage
the La
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 Vinci Surgical robot, a
multi armed
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multi-armed
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 wonderbot to reduce surgical errors and make the surgery less invasive for patients.
Moreover
,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 to give
simply
Change the word
simple
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 instructions to
these smarter
Change the determiner
this smarter computer
these smarter computers
show examples
computer
 which not only helps
the
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apply
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individuals to become more competitive by improving the methods of productivity but
also
 they can
use
 their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 to become more creative.
On the other hand
,
people
 argued that
this
 trend may prosper the negative growth in the country. As we know,
people
 can face
the
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apply
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job displacement when
computer
 machines may take the role of those positions which human beings want to fill. In
this
 way,
people
 will become unemployed and their standard of living will be lower.
Consequently
,
country
Add an article
the country
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 will face economic disruption everywhere if
computer
intelligence
gain
Change the verb form
gains
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 popularity than humans.
For example
, Goldman
Saches
Correct your spelling
Sachs
show examples
forecast
Wrong verb form
forecasts
show examples
 that AI software could automate the equivalent of 300 million full-time roles globally by 2030. Another point is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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people
 can increase their dependency on using
this
 software and without using their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 they simply rely on
this
 advancement for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better results. But sometimes,
techinical
Correct your spelling
technical
fault
Fix the agreement mistake
faults
show examples
 may
occured
Correct your spelling
occur
occurred
due to
 unforeseen circumstances which may
harsh
Correct your spelling
hash
show examples
 the productivity level of the company. To recapitulate,
Computer
intelligence
 is preferable because of having instant results, no need to do
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 and
also
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
enhancing the profitability of the organization but job displacement, increasing dependency and some technical issues may impact the
overall
 growth. In my point of view, a balanced approach should be preferred by including the pros of
computer
intelligence
 and
also
 by managing
this
technology
 cautiously.
Submitted by kaurjagdeep2097 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify your main points and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. Some parts of the essay feel slightly disjointed and could benefit from a clearer structure.
Task Response
Ensure all ideas are fully developed with relevant examples. Some arguments could use more elaboration to strengthen the task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow between ideas. Linking sentences and transitions between paragraphs can help in achieving a smoother progression of arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, summing up both sides of the argument well.
Task Achievement
The argument is balanced, considering both the potential positive and negative impacts of computer intelligence.
Task Achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, such as the use of La Vinci Surgical robot and Goldman Sachs forecast, which help illustrate the points made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Artificial Intelligence (AI)
  • Automation
  • Job displacement
  • Data analysis
  • Economic growth
  • Superintelligence
  • Creative endeavours
  • Ethical concerns
  • Existential risk
  • Technology dependency
  • Privacy issues
  • Innovative solutions
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