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Band 4.5

it is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? what soft of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #parents #teachers #behavior
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It is essential for
children
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 to get
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
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between
Change preposition
about
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 the differentiation between
right
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 and wrong
since
Change preposition
from
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 an early age.
Punish
Wrong verb form
Punishing
show examples
children
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 when they do something wrong is
Use synonyms
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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 to do to help them learn
this
Linking Words
 distinction. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree with
this
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 statement because the
disadvatages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
disadvantage
 that
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
happen
 from
this
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type
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 of learning are more than the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
. And there are some
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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good
punishment
Fix the agreement mistake
punishments
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 that can
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teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 or
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parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 use to help
children
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learning
Wrong verb form
learn
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.
To begin
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 with, the inner child of
children
Use synonyms
 will be
hurted
Correct your spelling
hurt
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 by
this
Linking Words
type
Use synonyms
 of
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
 and it can
created
Change the verb form
create
show examples
 bad characteristics. The
children
Use synonyms
 that have trauma in their inner child will
be have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 little hate in their heart
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
parent
Use synonyms
 or
teacher
Use synonyms
, and
Correct pronoun usage
this resulted
show examples
resulted
Replace the word
results
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 in how
their
Change the pronoun
they
show examples
 solve the problem and how to
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
socialize with
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, 
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 with
hurted
Correct your spelling
hurt
show examples
 inner child
ussualy
Correct your spelling
usually
 cannot control their
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
 and
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will be more
rebel
Replace the word
rebellious
show examples
 when their feel
thei
Correct your spelling
they
their
mature
Add a missing verb
are mature
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 enough.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the
children
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 will
afraid
Add a missing verb
be afraid
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 to explore anything,
afraid
Correct word choice
and afraid
show examples
 to fail before
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 try as best as they can, because they will think that if
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 fail or cannot do better they need to punish themselves.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the advantage of
this
Linking Words
type
Use synonyms
 of
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
 is the
children
Use synonyms
 will be more
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
disciplined
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when
children
Use synonyms
 understand what is
right
Use synonyms
 and wrong
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 will be
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
disciplined
 person and their life will be more structured.
The
Correct article usage
Children
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 with high
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
 will never waste their time
to
Change preposition
on
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 something that
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 think cannot
give
Verb problem
have
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 any impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
futur
Correct your spelling
future
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
In addition
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,
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teacher
Correct article usage
a teacher
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 or
parent
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 can give good punishment or
educated
Wrong verb form
educate
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 the
children
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 with
soft
Correct article usage
a soft
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 tone when
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 do something wrong,
with
Change preposition
by
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 talk
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them that what their doing is not
right
Use synonyms
 and
explain
Wrong verb form
explaining
show examples
 the impact or risk that can
happend
Correct your spelling
happen
 when they do that, and
also
Linking Words
 give explanation about what they will get when they do something
right
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.
This
Linking Words
type
Use synonyms
 of learning will give them
understanding
Correct article usage
an understanding
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
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reasom
Correct your spelling
reason
reasons
 why
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 are wrong and which
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 are
right
Use synonyms
. In summary, the
disadvatages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
disadvantage
from give
Change preposition
of giving
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
punishment to
children
Use synonyms
 at an early age are more than the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 which are
build
Wrong verb form
building
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
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 and less
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
confidence, so
prevent
Fix the infinitive
to prevent
show examples
this
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 and
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teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 can
educated
Wrong verb form
educate
show examples
 and give an explanation to
children
Use synonyms
 with
soft
Correct article usage
a soft
show examples
 tone when
children
Use synonyms
 do something wrong.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your essay in a more logical manner. Although the introduction and conclusion are present, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with clear topic sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify your main points and ensure that they are directly related to the topic question. Organizing these clearly will improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Try to vary your language and sentence structures more to improve the fluency and clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Ensure examples are directly related and specific, which will make your points stronger and more relatable.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the topic and your stance, which is important in guiding the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
A conclusion is present, summarizing your main points, which provides closure to the essay and restates your opinion effectively.
task achievement
You have considered both sides of the argument, which is valuable in providing a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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