In today's world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
When
people
are showering money on appearance, they often overlook Use synonyms
a
thought-provoking fact that they are dedicated to being an appropriate object prepared for Correct article usage
the
others
' looks, which, in my opinion, is a regrettable consequence of modern moral theories. I personally would not regard it as an advancement, but willing to share my thinking about its origin and adverse influences.
To fully recognise the disadvantages of the overemphasis on individuals' appearances, it is necessary to explore its causes. The primary one, from my perspective, is that the tendency to abandon teleology, Use synonyms
that is
, an opinion that humans are inherently with some missions, on the level of philosophy has constantly permeated into daily lives, resulting in a pervasive sense of confusion among ordinary Linking Words
people
. A compelling evidence of Use synonyms
this
feeling is an interview published in Time in 2024, where a South Korean young woman who had spent over 1.5 million dollars on cosmetic surgery conceded that she could clearly feel a massive vacancy in her heart. She had not known how to fill it and decided that at least the illusion that everyone was desiring her could more or less mitigate that feeling. Linking Words
This
illustrates the lack of mission has brought contemporaries strong confusion and frustration, the disproportionate focus on appearances merely serving as a substitute.
Linking Words
However
, the substitute is not useful as, unlike the potent feeling of protecting family or safeguarding motherland, it lacks the ability to awaken individuals' spiritual power. What has taken place is a strong impulse to attract attention, and during the process, individuals gradually shift the centre of their lives from ameliorating themselves to wooing Linking Words
others
' pleasure. Use synonyms
In other words
, they unconsciously subordinate themselves to Linking Words
others
. These kinds of examples are myriad, for illustration, my nephew is a 13-year-old boy who is in the age of aspiring classmates' admiration and exclamation. Use synonyms
Thereupon
, he sometimes wears a thin jacket which he thinks is "cool" even in winter. Obviously, the image of him in Linking Words
others
' eyes conceived by himself is more important than his health, which is a typical example of yielding the centre of one's own life to Use synonyms
others
.
In summary, in my opinion, the primary cause of cosmetic anxiety is that contemporary Use synonyms
people
are losing their sense of mission. Use synonyms
This
leads to widespread confusion and frustration, which in turn stimulates Linking Words
people
to seek condolence from Use synonyms
others
attention. Use synonyms
However
, Linking Words
this
cannot emancipate Linking Words
people
from the suffering of vacancy, what can work is to restore missions meriting our determination and efforts.Use synonyms
Submitted by hx88375757 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great for guiding the reader. However, while the main points are present and generally supported, they could be more effectively connected to improve the flow of the essay. Consider using more explicit transitional phrases to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task response
While you address the task well by discussing both the causes and effects of the current trend, some of your ideas could be more clearly articulated to enhance the task response. Make sure each point is clearly tied back to the question and thoroughly explained.
task response
Your essay includes several relevant examples, which is a strong point. However, some of these examples, such as the interview reference, could benefit from more detail or explanation to fully illustrate the point you are making.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a strong introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
task response
You have addressed the task prompt well by covering both the reasons behind the trend and your perspective on whether it is positive or negative.
task response
Incorporating examples like the interview from Time and the personal anecdote about your nephew adds depth to your analysis.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite