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Band 5

Some people think that the high sales of products reflect the power of advertising instead of the consumers' demand. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #sales #products #power #consumers #demand
It's undoubtedly true that we live in a world dominated by
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
.
Adverts
 the everywhere on TV,
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
 and at public events.
However
, some individuals argue that consumers are buying the product because of
adverts
while
 others are rejecting
this
 notion. I will elaborate in more detail on both views and
thus
 lead to a logical conclusion. First of all, many children
tempt
Wrong verb form
are tempted
show examples
 by
adverts
 displaying the latest
products
such
 as toys, mobile,
bike
Fix the agreement mistake
bikes
show examples
 so on,
therefore
, children put enormous pressure on
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 to buy those
products
.
In addition
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, folks are interested
to use
Change preposition
in using
show examples
 the latest technologies based on current market trends. To
cipher
Change the spelling
cypher
show examples
 more deeply,
For instance
, phone models are used to upgrade each year and
adverts
 influence
people
.
As a result
,
people
 are buying unwanted
items
 because of
adverts
, company industry is getting profits by seeing growth in high number of sales
due to
 the influence of advertisements.
Hence
 it's apparent why many consumers are buying undemand
items
.
Furthermore
, online
adverts
 have gained popularity in recent times for a plethora of reasons, many companies rely on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For example
, Walmart is providing a 30% offer on black Friday
adverts
 online which influences
people
 to buy
items
.
According to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
recent research, 69% of
people
 are buying
items
 by influence
adverts
.
By contrast
, even though advertisements play a vital role in advertising the product,
people
 won't spend money on unwanted
items
. In
this
 current era,
people
 are struggling day and night to fulfil the necessary essential life. In recapitulation, I reiterate that there are innumerable strong factors supporting that
adverts
 are a key factor
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 selling the
products
.
However
,
it's directly impact
Change the verb form
it's directly impacted
show examples
 by
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
due to
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 number of
products
.
Therefore
, individuals need to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 the right decision when buying the
items
.
Consequently
, I firmly agree with the given statement.
Submitted by dhivyaravi0396 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence. This helps guide the reader through your argument and ensures each paragraph has a distinct point or focus.
general english
Watch out for grammatical inaccuracies like 'advert' and 'interested to'. Correct structures and vocabulary will make your argument clearer and more professional.
task achievement
Support your points with more examples and explanations to aid clarity and strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Relevant examples were used, like mentioning Walmart and Black Friday sales, which contextualize your arguments nicely.
coherence cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion. They effectively open and close your discussion on the influence of advertising, guiding the reader through your perspective.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which showcases a comprehensive understanding of the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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