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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

‏Research has shown that spending much less time in office can reduce the use of energy(for example,electricity,gas).Thus,some companies close for some days a week.Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent times working had a significant role in
people
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's lives. It has been a highly debatable issue whether the benefits of spending a short
time
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 in
office
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 are more than the drawbacks. From my perspective, I believe that the merits overpower the demerits.
This
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 essay will outline the beneficial effects of reducing
work
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hours
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 in the
office
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 and the detrimental ones. On the one hand, there are a few disadvantages to spending less
time
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 in the
office
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.
Firstly
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, exposing
people
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 to working fewer
hours
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, definitely can lead to reducing the income of the countries. Many large companies may forced to delay their
work
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 which affects badly in their life.
For example
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, the result of conducted research at Glasgow University illustrates that 90% of countries show a drop in their economic growth.
Second,
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the drawbacks of fewer
hours
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 working are not limited only to society but
also
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 are extended to individuals. If
people
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work
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 less
hours
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, they will suffer from the load of
work
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. A good example here is the
people
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 who
work
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 in the airport. So, they could not able to control the large number of
people
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.
On the other hand
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, there are advantages to working in an
office
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 for Vanous a short
time
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 The main advantage to be considered is
time
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. Worker will find more
time
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 to spend with their family.
for instance
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, my friend Fatma who works two days only at Mazoon company enjoys a long
time
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 with her children.
Thus
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, it promotes a sense of community. Another advantage is that fewer
hours
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 working has been linked to mental health benefits
such
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 as reducing stress and anxiety.
As a result
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, employees have an opportunity to balance their
work
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 and their family In conclusion, working plays a vital role in
people
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's lives. It boosts their value of
time
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 and increases health benefits.
Therefore
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, the idea of working whole Weekdays should be stopped. The governments have the priority to arrange citizen's
work
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 and encourage them to
work
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 fewer
hours
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 efficiently.

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task achievement
Consider developing the disadvantages section further with more specific examples and analysis to provide balance and depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity and coherence in transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases more effectively.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on examples more thoroughly, particularly the airport example, to make them more relevant and specific to the topic.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion which presents your viewpoint and summarizes your main points effectively.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, showing balanced consideration of the topic.
task achievement
The essay promotes an engaging sense of discussion about the role of work in personal and societal contexts.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon footprint
  • remote work
  • energy consumption
  • environmental conservation
  • job satisfaction
  • collaboration
  • productivity
  • cost savings
  • customer service
  • project timelines
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