IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovating the old ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #museums #town #halls #ones
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Instead
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 of upgrading old facilities
such
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 as
museums
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 and city
halls
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, some
people
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 believe that will be better to build new ones.
This
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 essay disagrees with the statement
,
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apply
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 because renovating will be much cheaper for the government.
Secondly
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, these old
buildings
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 provide historical and cultural information about the nation, which attracts visitors from other
countries
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. Creating new modern designs and hiring experts to build new
museums
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 and town
halls
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 are not profitable for the legislatures. It is because today, our world experiences a huge demand for these professionals, and
also
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 in building materials
due to
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 the rapidly increasing human population.
Therefore
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, a number of
countries
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, need to expand their cities and accommodations. So, nowadays, modern
countries
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 compete in recruiting these experts
,
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apply
show examples
 and have to pay tremendous salaries to them.
For example
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,
according to
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 the independent study of one company, 90% of surveyed engineers and
architectures
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architects
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 stated that they would work in any country, but the only requirement is a wage which exceeds the average market salary by 50%. A long history of
such
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 old
buildings
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 as
museums
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 and town
halls
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 is essential to the citizens of these
countries
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, It
also
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 attracts tourists from around the globe. For some
people
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, obsolete
buildings
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 are the reasons for pride and independence, and these aspects interest
people
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 from other
countries
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 to know about architectural styles or ancient exhibits. Many
people
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 who travel, want to learn something about new culture through old
buildings
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.
Thus
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,
due to
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 tourism government can raise their income and budget.
For instance
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, in Vietnam, two-thirds of the money which they occur from the tourism sphere, and because of
this
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, the quality of infrastructure and citizens' lives is very high.
To conclude
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, I absolutely disagree that old city
halls
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 and
museums
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 should be replaced by new and modern versions of these
buildings
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 because of the price of organizing a project
,
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apply
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 and
also
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 losing huge methods of increasing income
such
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 as tourism.
Submitted by vasilevici487 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and succinctly summarise your argument. Your conclusion effectively summarises your main points, but your introduction could more explicitly state the disagreement with the prompt.
Task Achievement
When introducing examples or data, such as the 'independent study of one company,' ensure to clarify that this is a hypothetical example unless it's cited from a real source to enhance credibility.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, transition smoothly between paragraphs and ideas by using a variety of linking words and phrases. You've done well in connecting ideas within paragraphs, but transitions between them can be further smoothed.
Coherence & Cohesion
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and ensure consistency in tense usage. This will improve the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a well-structured argument against the proposition, using economic considerations and the value of cultural heritage as your main points.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay demonstrates an effective use of examples to support your arguments, although clarification on the reality of these examples could be beneficial.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • modern design
  • functional
  • accessible
  • stimulate
  • local economies
  • tourists
  • historical continuity
  • cultural heritage
  • environmentally friendly
  • financial inefficiency
  • energy-efficient
  • societal cohesion
  • infrastructure
  • preserve
  • refurbishment
  • sustainability
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