Some people believe that it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovating the old ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Instead
of upgrading old facilities such
as museums
and city halls
, some people
believe that will be better to build new ones. This
essay disagrees with the statement,
because renovating will be much cheaper for the government. Remove the comma
apply
Secondly
, these old buildings
provide historical and cultural information about the nation, which attracts visitors from other countries
.
Creating new modern designs and hiring experts to build new museums
and town halls
are not profitable for the legislatures. It is because today, our world experiences a huge demand for these professionals, and also
in building materials due to
the rapidly increasing human population. Therefore
, a number of countries
, need to expand their cities and accommodations. So, nowadays, modern countries
compete in recruiting these experts,
and have to pay tremendous salaries to them. Remove the comma
apply
For example
, according to
the independent study of one company, 90% of surveyed engineers and architectures
stated that they would work in any country, but the only requirement is a wage which exceeds the average market salary by 50%.
A long history of Replace the word
architects
such
old buildings
as museums
and town halls
is essential to the citizens of these countries
, It also
attracts tourists from around the globe. For some people
, obsolete buildings
are the reasons for pride and independence, and these aspects interest people
from other countries
to know about architectural styles or ancient exhibits. Many people
who travel, want to learn something about new culture through old buildings
. Thus
, due to
tourism government can raise their income and budget. For instance
, in Vietnam, two-thirds of the money which they occur from the tourism sphere, and because of this
, the quality of infrastructure and citizens' lives is very high.
To conclude
, I absolutely disagree that old city halls
and museums
should be replaced by new and modern versions of these buildings
because of the price of organizing a project,
and Remove the comma
apply
also
losing huge methods of increasing income such
as tourism.Submitted by vasilevici487 on
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Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction and conclusion are clear and succinctly summarise your argument. Your conclusion effectively summarises your main points, but your introduction could more explicitly state the disagreement with the prompt.
Task Achievement
When introducing examples or data, such as the 'independent study of one company,' ensure to clarify that this is a hypothetical example unless it's cited from a real source to enhance credibility.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence, transition smoothly between paragraphs and ideas by using a variety of linking words and phrases. You've done well in connecting ideas within paragraphs, but transitions between them can be further smoothed.
Coherence & Cohesion
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and ensure consistency in tense usage. This will improve the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a well-structured argument against the proposition, using economic considerations and the value of cultural heritage as your main points.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay demonstrates an effective use of examples to support your arguments, although clarification on the reality of these examples could be beneficial.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?