IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #people #illness #disease #governments #focus #pollution
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Recent studies highlighted the increase in mental and physical
problems
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 in the youngest generations
due to
 several main reasons, some folks
highlights
Change the verb form
highlight
show examples
 that to eliminate those types of
problems
, the government
shall
Verb problem
should
show examples
make
Correct your spelling
take
show examples
 appropriate
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
 in terms of reducing
pollution
 and accommodation
problems
, I highly agree that those measures shall be taken seriously to prevent the society wellbeing which will lead to a better healthier future. first and foremost
pollution
 has a direct impact on people's
health
 and
overall
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 safety,
due to
 the immense ratio of green emissions and the spread of Carbon dioxide and many other gases
likewise
,
this
 led to a lot of new
diseases outbreak
Fix the agreement mistake
disease outbreaks
show examples
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 Lung cancer
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a direct relation with environmental
air
pollution
 ;
air
pollution
 is a significant and far-reaching threat to public
health
, with 99% of the world's population breathing unhealthy
air
.
Moreover
, poor accommodation is associated with a wide range of
health
 conditions, including poisoning, respiratory infections,
in addition
 to asthma,
unfortunately
Add the comma(s)
unfortunately,
show examples
 all the new born are diagnosed being asthmatic and have a lot of lung and respiratory
problems
. Some Critics argue that the government
shall
Verb problem
should
show examples
 focus on education rather than
health
problems
,
although
 I believe that
health
 is a gateway to a better and safer community. In conclusion, Poor
air
 quality can lead to numerous
problems
 which need to be solved by the local authorities,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 shall strive to minimize
air
pollution
,
additionally
 expanding the infrastructure to serve more spaces, in order to offer better accommodation solutions, which will prevent infection and will lead to a healthier and an improved society.
Submitted by Mido  on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical issues like capitalization and punctuation errors to enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Incorporate clearer transitions between ideas to improve the logical flow of the essay.
Task Achievement
Provide more varied examples to strengthen the arguments and demonstrate a broad understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively responds to the task and maintains a clear position throughout.
Task Achievement
Each main point is well-supported with reasoning and some examples, illustrating good understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, clearly stating the main argument and summarizing the key points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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